Forever
by Zackara
Summary: Akuroku. Axel is a cofident college student, Roxas is a timid freshmen. The difference from every other Akuroku on the planet? Axel and Roxas are girls. Its better then it sounds, but I'm not good at summarys.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters in Kingdom Hearts. Don't want to, to much responsibility. So for the time being, all just own the muffins I make sometimes and the plot.

A/N: Hello sweetlings. This is my first fic here, so I'm a wee bit nervous. So be nice. I'm trying some new things with this story, so please just know, if you flame, I'll be pissed. What am I doing differently? Well, gender swamping! I'm keeping the names the same though, so try not to get confused. The first chapter is sort of fluff-like. I'm starting a year after the actual story starts. The second chapter will start at the beginning. So don't worry about me having a place to go. I hope you like it. Loves for those who review.

* * *

Morning found a tall redhead stirring sleepily next to the shorter blonde. Sunlight filtered through the blinds, staining the redhead's eyelids red. Axel sighed and slowly opened her eyes. She took in the sight of her younger lover, lying next to her asleep. Her arms wrapped around the blonde's waist.

A smile toyed at the edges of her lips. Everyone always said I'd find someone. That one person that would complete her, make her happy. Make her feel. And she loved it.

"Morning sweetie." She whispered into the neck of the younger blonde.

The blonde squirmed, rolling over and burying her head in the pillow. Roxas yawned and her eyes fluttered open slowly. She turned back into Axel's chest and sighed contentedly.

Axel leaned down and pressed her lips to Roxas' forehead. A smile graced the smaller girl's lips. She yawned, scrunching up her face adorably.

Axel smirked. "You remember what day it is?" She asked, her red hair tumbling into her eyes, she impatiently brushed it out to better see Roxas.

"Axel! How drunk do you think I got last night? You really think I'd be so hammered that I wouldn't remember what day it is the next day? It's Saturday." Roxas said rolling her eyes at her older lover.

Axel laughed. "That's not exactly what I meant. I meant that today's the anniversary of when we first met." She said, kissing the blonde's neck.

"Yeah, I knew that." Roxas claimed.

"Sure you did sweetie." Axel smiled. "Do you remember how we first met?"

"Of course! You nearly killed me!"

Axel chuckled. "That's not what happened!" She said. She loved this, the banter. She loved waking up next to the blonde. She kissed the blonde, smiling into the kiss. "So, what do you want to do today?" She asked.

"I don't know, stay in bed all day?" Roxas suggested, tilting her head up to deepen the kiss.

Axel chuckled, but pulled back. "No, now get up. We have all day, and all night." She added with a grin. "But now you have to get up so we can get started." She said, pulling herself up from the bed, and walking to the kitchen.

Roxas groaned and stumbled to her feet. She yawned and stretched, rubbing her shoulder as she walked to the bathroom humming softly to herself.

"Hey, what are you making for breakfast?" She called over her shoulder as she turned on the shower for the water to heat up.

Axel laughed. "That's for me to know, and you to find out." She called with a smile.

The blonde sighed, a smile on her lips. She walked over to the sink, splashing water on her face, and pulling her hair out of the ponytail she had tied it into the night before. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes reflected brilliantly blue, her blonde hair framed her face and fell lightly to her shoulders. She smiled, her beautiful lips curling up playfully. "Hey, you aren't going to join me this morning, are you? Not if you want to get out of the house that is." She had to yell over the water to make sure Axel heard.

The redhead laughed softly. "No, not this morning." She called back. She heard Roxas get into the shower, and looked down at what she was making for breakfast. Apple skeevers. Roxas' favorite. A light, fluffy ball with a little apple sauce in the middle to flavor it slightly sweet. Topped with a dusting of powdered sugar, and served warm. Perfection on a plate. She had dug out the special pan from storage especially for this occasion.

Axel finished cooking the first batch, and pulled them out of the pan, putting them in the bowl she had ready. She poured more batter into the pan, and then turned to the ones that were ready to serve. She dusted them with powdered sugar.

She heard the water shut off and smiled to herself. She tended the third batch of skeevers and waited for Roxas to get dressed. She looked up when Roxas came in and smiled. "If I go change, will there be any left when I get back?"

Roxas smiled. "Not sure, depends if you hurry or not." The blonde had changed into jeans and a t-shirt that clung to her nicely.

Axel smiled, rolling her eyes. "Or, I could stay like this until after breakfast." She said, looking at the tank and pajama pants she wore at the time. The thin hemp bracelet that wrapped around her left wrist twice suited her skin tone perfectly.

The blonde walked forward, wrapping her arms around the taller girl's waist. "I don't know, I sort of think this covers too much skin." She said with a grin and a tug of the tank top.

Axel grinned. "Baby, did you not notice the apple skeevers?" She asked sweetly. The blonde leaned back slightly, untwining one of her arms and snagging one of the skeevers and popping one into her mouth. Looking back up at the taller woman, she raised her eyebrows.

Axel chuckled. "No, we have plans. It's our anniversary, we can't just spend the whole day in bed. And how am _I _the one who is trying to get us out the door? Usually that's your job, while _I_ try to keep you in bed all day." The redhead observed.

Roxas laughed. "Ok, ok, I'll be good. Now, what exactly do we have planned for the day?"

"Again, me to know, you to find out, now sit down so I we can eat." Axel instructed. She grabbed the bowl, and brought it to the table. She had really made an effort to make the breakfast nice, knowing that Roxas liked it. She wasn't always willing to do such things, preferring to eat a quick bowl of cereal on the way to work, while pulling on her pants then actually take the time to make a meal in the mornings. Roxas had been through a lot to get to the place they were now, and she knew the younger girl missed the family feel of eating together in the mornings.

People often thought that Axel was hard. Not sweet, or caring, sexy yes, but lacking the gentleness to carry on a long time relationship. But that was not the case. She put on a hard outer shell, and pretended to be untouchable. Years of living on her own and being hurt had taught her that it was safer to reveal nothing. But she had also been hurt because of her walls. And when she had fallen for Roxas, she had promised herself that she would show the blonde the softer side to her. The blonde deserved to be cared for, looked after. And that's what Axel wanted to do. Keep the younger girl safe.

Pain flashed across the redhead's face. All she had wanted to do was make Roxas happy. And it killed her to know she had caused her pain. She watched as Roxas happily served herself some of the skeevers, and smiled softly. She loved the blonde with all her heart. More than that, all her soul. The girl was so sweet, so innocent when they had met. Happy. She had ruined that. She looked down, until a light touch of her hand made her look back up.

Bright blue eyes met the older girl's green ones. "Hey." Roxas said softly, having caught the sadness in her lover's features. "You know I love you." She said, searching for what had made Axel sad so suddenly. And there it was. Axel didn't need to say anything. She just knew. "I'm happy." She said seriously, looking straight into the older girl's eyes. Begging her to believe her. "With you, forever."

She smiled. "I know." She said simply, brushing a strand of blonde hair away from Roxas' face as she leaned down and kissed her.

* * *

Ok, well there it is. I had so much fun writing that. Let me know what you think? Please? Also, I'm thinking about changing one person's name. Not much, just one letter. Changing Riku to Rika. Since I'm changing Riku to a girl as well. In the next chapter author note I'm going to post a list of couples that will appear in the story and the genders of each of the characters that I know at the time. I might add some later. Ok, well I hope you like it. Review PLEASE!!! Ok, cookies or muffins for those who respond. Loves and stuff.

Z


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hey! So I'm going to put the next chapter up. It was crazy easy to write. Not to mention fun. I'm not sure when I'll be able to put the next chapter up after this. I have choir auditions all this coming week. Exciting, but also means I might not put up another chapter for a week. Sorry. Major thanks to the following:

Violett-Violence

Jellybeans-steh

Yamashina-chan

You guys rock! And Violett-Violence gets muffins AND cookies, because you were the only person to review. So thank you! You rock!!!

* * *

Roxas walked into the classroom, nervous. It was her first day of class at her college, and this wasn't some 'get to know the campus' freshman class. It was an actual class. She shouldn't be in it. She had had to get four signatures from all the AP teachers she had had to get into it.

She walked into the room, it was like nothing she had seen before, completely different from the high school classrooms she had used for the last four years. It didn't help her nerves that she was the only freshman. She smiled self consciously and walked over to one of the chairs at the tables scattered about the room. She sat and let her bag fall to the floor beside her.

Eight other students were in the room, all sitting at different desks except for one tall redhead and a brunette who sat across from her. She watched as the redhead leaned back in her chair, looking completely at ease and badass. The brunette leaned forward in answer, obviously flirting. The redhead said something and the brunette laughed. She pulled out a pen and scribbled something on a scrap of paper, shoving it into the redhead's hand. She stood and sauntered out of the room.

Roxas watched her go before her attention wandered back to the redhead. The girl had put head buds in and closed her eyes, looking as if she had been like that for ages.

Roxas' eyes swept the rest of the room. There were five people now, not including her and the redhead. A pretty raven haired girl, a mildly attractive brown haired guy, a girl with blue hair and a lip ring, a guy with black hair, and a blonde haired girl.

Her attention returned once again to the redhead. It was only natural. The girl demanded attention. Roxas couldn't quite put her finger on it. There was just something that drew attention to the redhead. Sure, she was beautiful, but there was more to it than that. The raven haired girl was just as pretty. But the redhead just had something.

Roxas took in the redhead. The shock of red hair that had first caught the blonde's eye tumbled down the girl' back, ending slightly below her should her blades. It moved slightly as the girl swayed slightly to the music pumping through the headphones. The movements brought Roxas' eyes to the other girl's face. The red hair framed the slim face perfectly. The features were delicate, but with an implied strength.

_Like diamonds._ The thought caught Roxas off guard. _What was that about?_

She mentally shook herself, and turned away from the redhead, but the image was still in her head, and there wasn't much to do while waiting for the class to start. She found herself looking at the girl again. There were strange marks under each of the girl's eyes. It took Roxas a second to realize they were tattoos, and another second to decide she liked them. The black ink was a shock against the pale skin of the redhead, but it suited her.

Roxas eyes wandered down the rest of the other girl's body, taking in the slim build that looked amazing in the well fitted jeans and jacket she wore. It took her a second to realize that she was staring a little too long on the girl's hips, and she quickly jerked her eyes back up to the other girl's face. Bright green eyes met hers, and she sucked in a breathe in shock. Those eyes were so intense. They seemed to burn somehow. Smolder. She jerked away with a blush. But not before she saw the amusement in the other girl's eyes.

Three more people had joined the class, but Roxas carefully kept her eyes away from them. A dirty blonde burst loudly through the doors to the classroom, and Roxas turned. The blonde gasped for air, looking as if he had just sprinted across the entire campus to get there. He looked up, and locked eyes with the redhead. "Hey! I didn't know you were taking this class!" The loud blonde exclaimed.

The redhead looked up, sighing with a smile. "Hey Demyx." She said, getting to her feet to hug the blonde, Demyx. Roxas was shocked by how tall the other girl was. Sure, she was painfully short, but the redhead was more than the normal height. The dirty blonde took a seat next to the redhead, Roxas still hadn't caught a name for her, and began chatting animatedly her.

Presently, the professor joined the class. He was an odd man. "Hello!" He exclaimed, rushing up to the front of the class. "And welcome to whatever name they gave this class this year." He said with a smile, a slightly erratic one. "The truth is this class isn't going to be like anything you've taken before. We'll be looking at how people react to different things, and how people think. Oh, and abnormalities in all that. Now, it's been proposed that _I _could be studied as some of my past students have proposed that I am insane." He said, he didn't stay in one spot during this entire thing. Roxas could imagine him bouncing off the walls in cartoon form. He certainly acted the part of the loony professor.

"But frankly, I don't really care. Now, I could list out my credentials, but I'd rather just tell you this: If you pay attention, and if you try, you will learn a lot from me. There is quite a bit I can teach you, if you are willing to learn. If you aren't, I suggest you leave now. I won't waste your and my time with you. Now, let's take role. Oh, and I'm Mr. Briggs." He said as he bent down in front of a computer to the side of the room. "When I call your name, yadda yadda yadda. You all know the drill."

Roxas liked him. She spaced out for the role being called. It didn't really interest her. She said 'here' when her name was called, and caught a few of her class mates names. The girl with blue hair was called Rhiannon, but went by Rhi, and the redhead was named Axel. An unusual name, but she wasn't really one to talk. She had seen Axel's eyes flash to her when her name was called, a spark of interest in her eyes, but Roxas ignored the taller girl.

The rest of the class passed rather quickly. Mr. Briggs turned out to be a fascinating if erratic professor. He talked the entire period, getting completely off track, but amazingly interesting. She had loved it. It had been in the last five minutes of class that he had told them that for the first assignment they had, they would be assigned partners and they would have to come up with an experiment on how people reacted to abnormal behavior in a public place. She smiled. This was exactly why she had worked her ass off to get into this class. This was exactly the kind of thing that fascinated her. She gathered her stuff, and left the classroom, she needed to get coffee.

Roxas strode across the campus, she should go back to her dorm room, but she was tired, and she would have to walk all the way across the campus. So instead she headed for the coffee shop she had gone to once before that was nearby.

"Hey!" The redhead, Axel, stopped her about halfway across the quad to get to the coffee shop. She turned, struck by the green eyes again.

"Um, hey." She said, looking down at the ground, completely unsure of what to say, a blush brushed her cheeks.

Axel smiled. "I was wondering what you thought of our professor? A bit crazy, right?" She asked, walking forward in the direction Roxas had been travelling before. The blonde fell into stride beside her.

"Yeah, but totally amazing all the same. I mean, he's just so great! I mean there's just so much he has to teach us, you know?" She said excitedly, when she stopped talking, she seemed to realize how much she had said in a rush, she blushed a deep crimson, and stared at the ground once more.

The redhead laughed. "Yeah, I know the feeling. He was my professor my freshman year, I think he scared the shit out of most of my classmates. So did you just transfer? I mean, I haven't seen you around." She looked sidelong at the blonde, who blushed.

"Um, no I'm a freshman." She admitted, a little embarrassed.

"Really? But that class isn't for freshman, it supposed to be for upperclassmen who have already taken the sociology classes before."

"Um, well I tracked down like very teacher I've ever had and had them sign a piece of paper?"

Axel whistled. "Wow. I mean, you totally look it, but you're in that class, so I thought . . . Never mind." She said, looking away.

Roxas scowled. "Yeah, I'm short, so?" She demanded.

"No, it's cool, chill kid." Axel said with a smirk.

Roxas rolled her eyes. "I wasn't a kid a second ago. I've taken all the classes to get into the class. Same as you. Hell, I probably have more credits then you, so shut the hell up and stop acting like you're so much older than me." She snapped sharply, then blushed. "Sorry, I'm a wee bit sensitive about the height thing."

"Yeah, I get that. " Axel said easily. "Hey, where are you going anyway? Can I give you a ride?" She asked, stopping outside the coffee shop. Roxas smiled and pointed to the coffee shop. Axel smiled. "Well okay then. I might as well ask you what you want, I work here." She said.

"Um, latte?" Roxas requested. The taller blonde smiled and nodded.

"Ok, I'll bring it to you." She said.

"How much?"

"Nah, it's on the house." The redhead said, grabbing an apron as they walked in.

"What? Ok, thanks." Roxas said, going over to a comfortable looking chair and slipping into it happily. She pulled out her laptop, and waited for her computer to boot up. When it did, she started working on an assignment for another class. She quickly fell into the essay and only looked up to smile thanks to Axel when she brought over the latte.

* * *

Roxas didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she was shaken awake. Her eyes fluttered open, being met by shockingly bright green. She rubbed her eyes and stretched. "Sorry, how long have I been out?" She asked.

"Um, about three hours? We're closing up, it's eight." Axel said, smiling slightly. "I couldn't bring myself to wake you earlier." She smirked at the just waking up blonde. "So how about that ride now?" She asked.

Roxas yawned and shook her head. "Nah, I live on campus, so I'll just walk." She said with a slight smile. Axel nodded.

They walked to the door together, saying their goodbyes. They walked off in different directions, and Roxas quickly walked across the campus, the chilly air waking her up. The redhead watched the blonde walk away, she wondered about the girl, she was intrigued by her, but didn't quite know why, so she let it go for the time being. She walked to her car, quickly forgetting the blonde as she twisted the key, and was greeted with loud country music blasting from the speakers. She scowled, turning off the stereo as fast as she could, silently cursing herself for letting her friend borrow her car that morning. She switched it to one of her CDs as she pulled out of the student parking lot, smiling as the music filled the car. It had been a much better day then she had thought it would be.

* * *

**End Note: **So there it is, hope you liked it. Review? Please? I'd really love you to. Ok, so like I said, it might be like a week before I can put up the next chapter. I have these previously mentioned auditions, so I have to be places and jump through all these hoops. Not to mentions getting homework done is going to be a bitch. Well, I'm going to get some sleep while I can. Love you all.

Z


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Not sure if I still need this or not, but regardless, I don't know own it.

**AN: **Hey!!! Guess who is completely done with auditions? If you guessed me, you are correct! Oh hell yeah!! Ok, so sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. Oh, and also, this one is extra long, just for you! Lorca the Great, I love you!!! You finally read it! And even reviewed! That made me smile. Why? Because I worship you!!! And your amazing writing stuff. ALso, I'd like to thank BYEBYE908 for favoriting. Oh and bloodyhacker19, thanks to you as well. Jellybeans-steh, thanks for the review. Yay!! I love you all. Ok, so thats all I can think of right now.

So get on to the story.

Go, now.

Why are you still reading this??

* * *

Roxas woke to a buzz by her head. Groggy, she rubbed her eyes and answered her vibrating cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are you? We've been waiting for like an hour!" Sora. Roxas' older brother yelled more, but by then she had tuned him out.

"Shit! Sorry, I forgot to set my alarm last night! I'll be there in like three seconds." She promised, jumping and pulling on jeans.

"No. Don't bother. I can't believe you sometimes."

"Sora-"

"No, whatever. We'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up. Roxas sighed. Leave it to her to forget that she was supposed to meet her brother and his new girlfriend in the park this morning. She ran a brush through the mess of blond hair on her head, before giving up and pulling it back into a ponytail.

She dashed to the bathroom and tried desperately to make herself presentable. She finally decided that she was a good as she could hope to get. "Shit shit shit!" She muttered as she rushed back to her closet to dig out her bathroom bag that she took on her travel's to dig out her makeup. Sora told her she looked more professional if she acted like a mature women, and apparently that included makeup.

When she was done, she rushed to the kitchen, cramming the dirty dishes wherever they would fit and be out of sight. She ran back to the living room, knocking over a pile of dirty clothes in the process. Sighing, she hurriedly picked up the clothes, throwing them into her room along with the rest of the clothes scattering her apartment.

A knock sounded on the door as she had finally finished throwing things into her room. She quickly opened the door, smiling at her older brother.

"Sorry, I can't believe I did that!" Roxas said, smiling apologetically at the tall girl standing behind her brother.

"Well, it really was quite rude of you." Sora said, still obviously ticked off. "But I guess I can forgive you. But you better have your act together when you start working. One day 'over sleeping' will cost you your job." He cautioned.

Roxas looked down. How could someone make her feel so utterly pathetic? "Sorry Sora." She said, hugging her older brother.

"It's okay, so this is Rika." Sora said, smiling up at the much taller girl.

"Nice to meet you." Roxas said, smiling she extended her hand. "And I'm terribly sorry I kept you guys waiting."

"It's fine. It's so nice to finally meet the little sister Sora speaks of so often." She said politely.

"Sit down, can I get you anything to drink?" Roxas asked, gesturing to the couch. Sora sat, and Rika followed his lead.

"Some coffee would be nice." Sora said.

Roxas nodded, walking to the kitchen. She quickly set some to brew, and took the cups to the people waiting on the couch when it was ready.

"So how is work going?" Roxas asked.

Roxas spaced out. Sora could talk for hours about his job. She had no interest in it. But she knew asking would get him talking. It looked as if Rika would be another one of those girls that Sora thought were the proper kind of young lady that he would forever compare her with.

She was a day dreamer. At least, compared to her brother. Every time Sora came to town, he would always tell her how she had to become a responsible adult. And then he would ask if she knew what she was majoring in. She dreaded him asking, but knew it was only a matter of time. She would say she didn't know, and he would shake his head, and make obvious his displeasure.

She knew she was the failure. Sora was the great one. He had picked up the pieces when their parents had left, dropping out of school to get a job and provide for her. Now he paid for her education. And he wasn't shy about reminding her either. No, Roxas was thankful that he had been there. He had practically raised her. Even though he wasn't that much older than her, he had years more experience in the real world.

Roxas sighed. "Roxas, are you okay?" The concern in Sora's voice made Roxas feel bad for the mean thoughts she had thought earlier.

"Yeah, I'm okay, just a bit tired. I've been fighting cold all week." She said, looking up at her older brother.

"Oh, can we get you anything? Be sure to get plenty of rest. What classes do you have today?" Sora asked, instantly transforming into the caring older brother. This was what Roxas loved about him. He sat next to her, leaning forward and feeling her forehead. She waved him off.

"No, I'm not sick, just under the weather. I'll be fine. I just have English and science I think. And I live practically on campus, I'll just walk or ride my bike." She said, smiling at the concern in her brother's eyes.

They left shortly after that. Roxas collapsed on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. Her cell phone buzzed by her head again, a text message from Pence.

Apparently there was some party being thrown to celebrate something or other. She doubted anyone really knew or cared about who or what the party was celebrating. But it was a party, so she might as well. Besides, Pence had asked her to go, which meant he wanted her there. He had probably heard the girl he liked was going to be there, so he wanted to have someone to hang with there.

She could understand that. He had done similar things for her in the past. She texted him back that she would be there and sighed. She was exhausted. She set her phone to go off in time for her to get ready for the thing she had told Pence she would be at, and quickly fell asleep.

--

Roxas walked into the building the party was with Pence at her side. Blaring music assaulted her ears, to loud for any discernable melody to be heard. She fought her way over to the drinks and grabbed a beer. "Hey, Pence, you want . . ." She turned around to see that Pence had already disappeared into the crowd. "Great." She said, looking around.

Roxas took a seat in the corner, sipping her beer slowly. She didn't really feel like getting drunk tonight. She leaned back in her chair, feeling the beat in the music pulse all around her. She slowly rose, leaving her drink, and entered the mass of swirling bodies.

Music pressed into her on all sides, and Roxas let the beat take her. She loved sinking into the music and moving people all around her. She could just slip out of her mind and into the crowd. She drifted for an indefinable amount of time until she realized she was dancing with one other person.

She looked up into green eyes. "I know you." She said, shocked out of the dance. The taller girl smiled, nodding slowly. She leaned down so the younger girl could hear her above the music.

"Yep. You do." She said into the smaller girl's ear. The girl's warm breath tickled Roxas' neck and she shivered. They weren't really dancing anymore. Just swaying with the other people surrounding them, just starring into each other's eyes. It was like they were in their own world. The blonde was suddenly struck with the urge to kiss the older girl.

Roxas' phone vibrated, jerking her back to reality.

She slipped away, out of the crowded dance floor, and outside. "Hello?"

"Hey, Roxas. I know you're a college student now, but should you really be out this late?" Sora.

Roxas' eyes narrowed. "What makes you think I'm out?" She demanded.

"Please Roxas, I can hear the music from here. Look, I'm not on your case, I just want to make sure you're grades aren't suffering. And I'm worried about the kind of people you're hanging out with."

"Pence invited me tonight! Pence! Wow, way to have faith in your little sister." She said, a little pissed.

"Look, I'm not on your case, I just worry about you." Sora said. Roxas sighed.

"I know. I love you. I'll call you tomorrow."

"I love you too Roxas."

They hung up.

Roxas dialed Pence. "Hey, I have to go, so I'll see you later, okay? I can walk home so don't worry." She said as soon as he picked up.

"Ok, night." Was the response she got. She sighed and began to walk home.

--

Roxas stopped, head spinning. She coughed and sat down, her head pounded. Her eyes were watering, and she gasped, trying to get enough air through passages that were suddenly much too small. She desperately looked around, there wasn't anyone in sight. She dug through her bag for her cell phone.

A voice stopped her before she could find it. "Hey, are you okay?" She looked up to see Axel looking down at her worriedly.

"Can-can't breathe" She managed to rasp out, wheezing again as she tried to get another breath. She didn't hear the rest, she had started to panic a little, she was aware of someone talking nearby, but couldn't make anything out.

"Hey, an ambulance is coming, calm down." Green filled Roxas' field of view. She was in full panic now, desperate for each breath, but hearing the older girl's voice calmed her down some. She nodded, still gripping her throat as if that was somehow going to help.

"Ok, breathe with me, ok? In . . . Out . . . In . . . Out . . ." Roxas tried to breathe with the older girl, but found herself calming down just from hearing that voice. "Good, that's it. Just keep breathing, nice and slow. Slow and deep." Axel instructed.

The ambulance pulled up next to them quickly. People took Roxas and piled her into the back. Axel piled in as well. Someone put an oxygen mask over Roxas' mouth, and began questioning Axel on what had happened. Roxas was exhausted, and hearing that voice was soothing, she soon drifted off to sleep.

--

Roxas awoke again in a hospital bed. She closed her eyes, opening them again slowly. She took in her surroundings. Light filtered through the window, warming the sheets around her. She could breathe now, which she much preferred to her previous state. She heard a slight beeping sound beside her, which she assumed meant her heart was beating. Her head hurt a little, but all in all she felt pretty good. She glanced down at her hand, shivering as she saw there was an IV in. She hated needles. Blood she was fine with, pain, sure, needles? Hell no.

But that wasn't what held Roxas' attention. A tall redhead was curled up in one of the chairs next to the bed asleep. It was one of the most beautiful things the blonde had ever seen. The sunlight trickled through the blinds to light the girl's hair on fire. Her face was completely relaxed, more serene that Roxas had ever seen it before. The tattoos on her cheeks seemed to fit there. The blonde doubted she could have made them look that natural. In fact, they looked perfect on her, even when she was asleep. It made Roxas smile slightly.

A nurse walked in, looked up from the chart she was carrying, and seemed startled to find her awake. "Oh, you're awake."

Roxas frowned, holding a finger to her lip and pointing to where Axel slept. "Yes, sorry. I'll send your doctor in when I'm done." She said while fixing up a new IV. She left shortly after.

"So, how you doing kid?" Roxas jumped as Axel spoke, she hadn't noticed the older girl wake up.

She tried to say something, but nothing came out. Wordlessly Axel handed her a water bottle. She smiled her thanks and took a swig. "Thanks. Of course now you'll have to disinfect this, who knows what crazy and bizarre uber germs of death I have?"

"I'm pretty sure you can't catch allergic reactions. At least that's what they think it was. They still have to do some tests to figure out what you're allergic to, but that's what they think. All I know is they gave you meds and you got better."

Just then the doctor came in. "Hello, first, is there anyone you would like us to call?" Asked the middle height brown haired and eyes doctor who had just entered the room.

"Um, depends how serious it is. So go ahead and tell me." Roxas said, Sora would freak out when he heard, she sighed internally.

"Well the good news is it looks like it was just an allergic reaction."

"Just?" Axel interrupted. "You call not breathing 'just an allergic reaction'?"

"Well, allergic reactions are treatable, and although you did have a pretty bad response, we can give you a prescription for an epi-pen, with that you can live a normal life just like you did before." The doctor said, getting over his uneasiness from Axel's comment.

"Ok, so what am I allergic to?" Roxas asked, figuring she should know what he was supposed to stay away from.

"Well, we aren't exactly sure yet . . ." He trailed off.

"What? So what am I supposed to do? Not leave?" Roxas demanded, panic entering her voice.

"Oh no no. You should be able to go home later today. You just have to keep your epi-pen near you, and be careful not to expose yourself to things you've had an allergic reaction to in the past." The doctor explained.

"Um, okay?" Roxas said, not quite sure.

"Should someone stay to watch her or something?" Axel asked.

"Yes, that would be ideal. Are you roommates?"

"No-"

"Yes." Axel cut in. "I can keep an eye on her." The redhead said. "So can we go now?"

"Uh, yes, I don't see why not. I'll get one of the nurses to let you know about the epi-pens. We'll send one home with you, as well as tell you both how to use it." He said, leaving the room.

"So you're my roommate now are you?" Roxas asked, mildly amused.

"Well, it was either that or I'd have called you every three minutes to make sure you weren't dead, so this way it'll just be easier. I'm hoping that you'll be cool with me crashing on your couch." Axel said with a cocky smile.

"Yeah, okay sure, anything to keep your cell phone bill down." She joked.

"Excuse me ladies, the doctor would like me to show you how to use an epi-pen, and then you can go home, sound okay?" The nurse came into the room, looking at the chart in her hands. Roxas smiled and nodded, listening to the nurse talk to them.

When she was done, she went into the adjoining bathroom to change back into her normal clothes. She finished and walked out of the hospital with Axel at her side.

"So, can I give you that ride now?"

* * *

**Ending Notes: **Hope you liked it. Don't know when the next one will be up. Sorry for that. Also, for those of you whp want to know, theres a one shot I did this week up. Its called Scarecrow. Its not my best peice, but hell. I had to write it. Read if you want, and don't forget to review this story!!! It'll make me happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Hi! So this chapter is up sooner than I thought it would be. So, its a little low on content, I"m sort of just setting up their relationship pre-relationship, so yeah. I wrote this while I was watching Mama Mia, I know, I'm that girl. DEAL WITH IT!!!! Hey, you know you love me. So here it is. Hope its not to bad.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, I still don't know if I have to keep doing this, but I'd rather not get sued, so hey. I don't own Kingdom Heats.

* * *

Axel woke the next morning to a strange tapping sound. She looked up from where she had fallen asleep the night before on the couch to see the back of the blonde facing away from her. She was humming softly, a melody the redhead had never heard before.

"Roxas?" The blonde jumped about a foot in the air.

"What?" She asked, looking at her guest. "Oh, you awake now?" She asked. Axel nodded.

"Do you have any food or something?" She asked, getting up and walking to the kitchen.

"Yeah, um, what do you want?" Roxas asked self conscious as ever. She followed the redhead to the kitchen, wishing she had done a better job of cleaning up after Sora left.

"Um, coffees good." Was Axel's reply. She sat down on one of the stools near the counter. Roxas bustled around the kitchen, putting the coffee on, and grabbing two pieces of bread to pop into the toaster. She leaned against the counter, not looking at the other girl in the room.

"You don't have to stay you know." She said, still not meeting those crazily green eyes.

"Nah, I mean, if its cool with you, I mean I told that nurse I'd make sure you didn't have another allergic reaction. Speaking of, where's your epi-pen?" Axel asked, looking around before seeing it on the coffee table by the couch. "They said you should keep this with you." She said, holding it out to the blonde.

"Um, okay. Do you need to go get stuff or something?" Roxas said, looking down.

"Um, yeah." The redhead said. "That would be good. Can you give me a ride, I only have the bike, and I could barrow the car I share with one of my friends, but I think he needs it. Actually you've met him, Demyx?"

"Oh, yeah. He's in our class, right?" Roxas asked. Axel nodded. The toaster binged.

Roxas swore, and grabbed the toast, burning her fingers, and putting them on a plate. "Shit, that _really_ hurt!" She said, thrusting her fingers into her mouth.

"Try running it under cool water." Axel suggested, grabbing the coffee pot and pouring it out into two cups. "I've had my fair amount of burns. Hey, do you take milk?"

"Excuse me? Oh." Roxas said, a blush coloring her cheeks as she looked up at Axel, holding the carton of milk from her refrigerator. "Um, yeah, thanks." She said, turning back to the fingers she was running under cold water.

Axel smirked. "The toast is a bit burned." She joked, adding milk and sugar to one of the cups of coffee.

"Shut up." Roxas hissed. Her fingers felt a little better. She turned the tap off, and turned to face the older girl. She was about to speak when she was cut off.

"So, you got any siblings?" The redhead asked.

"What? Since when is that your business?"

"Hey, I just thought since we'll be roomies for the next who knows how long, I figured we should get to know each other better."

"Fine, I have an older brother. He's only one year older, but he acts like he's much older. How about you?" Roxas asked, taking a bit of her toast.

"Yeah, a little sister, don't know her though. Haven't seen her since she was three." Axel looked away, swallowing the lump that had found its way up to her throat.

"Oh. Sorry." Roxas said, looking away as well.

"No, I mean, its fine. She probably doesn't even remember me."

"Axel . . ."

"No, its fine, really." Roxas nodded, looking down.

"So, cats or dogs?" She asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Um, what? Oh, you mean am I a cat or dog person? Um, cat. Dogs are just so . . ."

"Loud?"

"I was going to go with stupid, but loud works I guess." Axel said with a smirk.

"Well I like dogs. They're just so sweet. And they don't judge you like people do." Roxas decided.

"You aren't one of those people who is going to constantly try to persuade me to change my mind, are you?" Axel asked, slightly worried.

"No, don't worry." Roxas said, taking another swig of her coffee. "So you work at the coffee shop?"

"Yep, you got a job?" Axel asked.

"Nope." Roxas replied.

"Wow, how do you afford this place?" Axel asked. "Oh sorry, that's really rude. Sorry."

"No, its fine. My brother pays for it." Roxas explained. "What about you?"

"Oh, I stay in an apartment about half this size with Demyx and Zexion, we split the rent. Although, I'll have to find a new place pretty soon." Axel said with a sigh.

"Yeah?" Roxas asked, throwing the plates in the sink and yawning. "Well, if we want to grab some of your stuff, then we should probably get going." She suggested. She had been up for hours already, she was already dressed, and it was quite clear the redhead had only woken up moments before.

"Yeah, if you point me in the direction of the bathroom, I'll have a shower and then we can go." Axel said.

"Down the hall and to the left. The door should be open, but if it isn't it's the second door on the left."

Axel nodded, walking down the hall.

About a half hour later, Axel stepped out of the bathroom. "I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion, just remember that I did come from a party last night." She reminded as she walked into the kitchen wearing a rather tight tank top and black leather pants. "I always have a tank with me, but these are the only pants I have on me." She explain, looking at the blonde.

"Um, yeah, let's get going." Roxas said, swallowing. She grabbed her keys and her bag and headed out the door, trailed by a rather sexy looking redhead.

"So, I can see you found my eyeliner?" The blonde asked jokingly.

"Um, well, I didn't have mine, seeing as how I was expecting to be crashing at my place, not yours and all. . ." Axel said, following the tiny girl.

"Oh? But you carry a shirt around with you?"

"Well, that's for emergencies. And just so you know this is officially the walk of shame. Which ironically, I'll get shit for even though I was just coming to the aid of a classmate." Axel said, not blushing at all.

When they arrived at the small house that Axel had directed them to, they were greeted by a very loud blonde guy Roxas had seen before. "Well, time to face the music." Axel said, half smile on her lips.

"Axel! Where the hell have you been?" Demyx screamed, running up to the car before it had even stopped. "Out all night! And without your cell? What the hell? It was your turn to do the dishes!" He pounded on the car's window.

Roxas stepped out of the car. "Hey, can you please not break my car? I sort of need it, my brother will kill me if I have to pay for repairs!" She cried, exasperated.

Demyx turned back to Axel right after he glanced up at the blonde. "Who is this?" He demanded. "You're telling them where we live now?"

"Dem, it's not like that! She's in our sociology class! Relax! I just spent the night at her apartment, nothing happened! Chill!!" Axel yelled.

"Boyfriend?" Roxas inquired quietly.

"What?!" Both Axel and Demyx yelled in unison.

"No, god no! Dem and me? No!" Axel laughed. "Its ssoooo not like that! We're just friend! Dem just likes to play my conscience." She said, glaring daggers at her friend.

"Ok, so what the hell happened?" Demyx demanded.

Axel sighed, and ran a hand through her hair before explaining things to Demyx, with quite a few interruptions. But finally she got through to Demyx, and they got the stuff Axel would need to stay with Roxas.

"It was nice to see you Demyx." Roxas said with smile as she got back in her car and drove back to apartment.

"Sorry about that, you'd think he'd be less judgmental after all this time." Axel said with an apologetic smile.

"You bring conquests back a lot then?" Roxas asked, smirking.

"Shut up. Now, does your couch pull out into a bed, or am I sleeping on the floor?" Axel asked.

"Um, actually, I have a spare room if you want it." Roxas said with a smile.

"Wow, how big is your apartment!?"

"Um, ridiculously huge? I know." Roxas said, rolling her eyes. "So, you want to grab lunch or something?"

"Yeah, okay. You know a good place?" Axel asked. "Oh, and try not to eat anything that'll kill you."

"Shut up!" Roxas exclaimed, punching Axel playfully on the shoulder as she drove painfully slowly to a restaurant she knew of.

* * *

They arrived at the restaurant shortly before noon. They walked in, and grabbed a table in the corner. "Shit, Rox, can we try a different place?" Axel asked, fidgeting slightly in her seat.

"What? Why? I love this place!" Roxas whined, still skimming the menu.

"Please Rox." Axel practically begged.

A waitress came over. "Hi, can I- Axel? Ax? Is that you? Oh my god! Baby!" The rather excited brunette practically threw herself at the redhead.

"Hey, um, so you work here?" Axel asked, obviously a little unsure of herself.

"Yeah! I love it here. So, who's the blonde?" She asked, suddenly sounding pouty.

"Um, this is Roxas. She's a . . . friend?" Axel said, sort of questioningly.

"Um, Stacy, right? Can I talk to you for a second? Privately?" Axel suggested, looking embarrassed.

They went over to a small alcove in the restaurant near the bathrooms. Roxas sat there awkwardly, unsure of exactly what to do.

She watched, but tried not to look like she was watching the scene that was playing out. Eventually, the brunette, started to cry, Axel said something else, and Stacy slapped her.

Roxas winced, that had looked painful.

Axel walked back over to where Roxas sat. "Can we _please_ go now?" The blonde nodded hurriedly, getting up quickly and rushing out.

"God! I'm so sorry! I had no idea she would be there! I'm so sorry! That's never happened before!" The redhead said, running a hand through her perfect hair.

"It's okay. I'm just going to go crash at my apartment." Roxas said, she sighed.

"Yeah, okay." Axel said, lacing her finger together and resting them behind her head. "The sooner I get out of these pants the better. They don't come any tighter." The redhead pulled one leg up to rest it on the dashboard.

"Yeah yeah, you're a sexy beast, now, please don't ruin my car."

* * *

**End Note:** Ok, so thats it so far. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I'll love you forever. Ok, so how about, three reviews? Aiming low? I know, but I just don't know how many people read this little ditty, so I don't want to put the bar to high. Like my friend says, 'the only one who has to work up to low self-esteem'. Actually, shes talking about herself, but still. Its poetcal and whatnot. Love and stuff.

Z


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** Hey. Well, I'm sad. Only one person reviewed. And they got a super secret bit of information for it. Brokenoperaglasses, you are amazing! You are the reason this is being updated, even though I didn't get my three reviews. *Cries in corner* So anyway, I want to hear whatyou guys think, I know that there hasn't really been a plot yet, but its coming, promise. Oh, and since I didn't say it earlier, I'm sorry to any Sora fans, I like him too, but in this story hes really different. I explain it later, sort of. Its complicated. But hes sort of, by which I mean totally, out of character. But to bad. So I hope you are enjoying it. Heres the next chapter. Please let me know what you think.

* * *

Axel and Roxas were quiet for a while as they drove back towards Roxas' apartment.

"So, you're gay?" Roxas asked quietly.

"Yeah, you got a problem?" Axel asked, tone instantly turned hard. "Because if you do, then we do, and you can just stop the car now. Got it memorized?" The redhead demanded, turning to face the blonde head on.

"No, we're cool." Roxas quickly backpedalled. "Really, it's cool with me. Chill." She hadn't expected that, she had never seen this harder side of the redhead, and it scared her a bit. They drove on in silence.

"So, that was your girlfriend?"

"Not exactly." Axel said, half smile returning to her face as they eased back into casual conversation. "Stacy was a fling. I don't know, I guess you could call it a one night stand. I never thought she'd think it was anything more." She ran a slender hand through her hair.

Roxas snorted. "Wow, and I thought Sora had his head in a hole. Dude, you're gorgeous." She realized what she had just said a second after it had left her mouth, and she blushed.

"Wow Roxy, I think you just paid me a compliment." The cocky redhead responded with a smirk.

"Shut up." She said, pushing the older girl playfully. "If your head gets any bigger it'll have its own orbital field."

"You sound like Demyx." Axel whined.

"Shut up."

* * *

"So how long have you known Demyx?" Roxas asked later that evening. They were both sprawled out in front of the couch playing video games.

"Um, since high school. He and I really got close senior year." Axel said, not really paying attention, she was much too interested in Mario Kart to really care what the blonde was talking about.

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, gods high school sucked."

Axel laughed. "You have no idea." She said shaking her head. "But I don't really think anyone likes high school."

"Yeah, it's just something you have to live through I guess."

"Hey, you want to do something tonight? It's sort of boring. Not that beating you at whatever game you decide you want to play isn't fun, but it's hardly how I usually spend my Saturday nights." Roxas snorted.

"And how exactly do you usually spend your Saturday nights?" Roxas asked smirking. "And you so do not always win."

"Yeah, yeah but really, we should go do something." Axel paused the game and turned to face the blonde. "You're only young once."

"Yeah, easy for you to say, you're not the one that nearly died last night. And it's Sunday."

"Oh come on. It's not like you actually died or anything. Now go change unless you want to go to a club in that." Axel looked pointedly at Roxas loose t-shirt and sweat pants.

"Fine." The blonde sighed, seeing she had already lost. "But we aren't staying out to late. And if you get in trouble, call Demyx, not me."

The redhead smirked and helped the blonde up as she walked to her room to change clothes as well before she hit the bathroom to make sure her makeup was ok.

When she emerged, she was shocked by what she saw. A very short, very ticked off looking blonde in a black corset top that flowed slightly away from her waist and over her tight jeans. Her nails were painted all different colors, a fact the redhead had missed before, and rings decorated every finger. She chewed on one of the plastic bracelets around her wrist boredly. "We ready to go now?" She demanded, looking at the taller girl.

"Ye-yeah." Axel said, taking in her small companion's appearance.

Axel wore the same black leather pants as before, this time accompanied by black boots that came all the way up to her knees. Three belts circled her hips, and a red sequin top clung to her curves perfectly.

"Ok, so let's go." Roxas said, making her displeasure known.

Axel nodded and followed Roxas out the door and down to the car. They arrived at the club a short time later. Roxas climbed out and waited for Axel to follow. She did, and together they walked to the door of one of the clubs in town. They got in easily.

Music blared from the speakers. Axel immediately began dancing. "Come on Roxy, come dance with me." She begged, taking the shorter girl's hands and pulling her onto the crowded dance floor.

"Don't call me Roxy." The blonde said, but followed Axel onto the dance floor.

The beat was intoxicating, bodies packed close together, but not to close. Roxas floated, easily swaying with the movements of the other people around them. "Hey, let's get something to drink." Axel whispered in her ear, and she nodded following her over to a little alcove near the bar.

"I can't drink."

"What?"

"I'm underage. I can't drink in a place like this."

"Oh, but you got in?"

"Yeah, this isn't a place that is for people 21 and over." The blonde explained. "I can come here, I just can't have anything from the bar. Just get me a soda or something."

"Ok." The redhead said, slipping away from the blonde, and over to the bar. She quickly returned with two drinks. She handed one to the blonde, and kept the other for herself.

"Thanks." Roxas took a sip and looked up sharply at Axel. "Did you get me an alcoholic drink?" Annoyance dripped from her voice.

"Yep. Come on Roxy, I know you drink. I saw you drinking at that party." The redhead said, taking a sip of her own drink.

"Idiot." She mumbled, taking another sip.

They sat in the comfortable silence for a moment. "I'd say six."

"What?" Roxas asked.

"That girl over there, the one in the blue top by the bar, I'd say six." Axel said with a smile.

"You rate girls when you come to a place like this?" Roxas asked, raising a disapproving eyebrow.

"What? God no, it's how long I think we'd last as a couple. Six days." Axel explained.

Roxas' eyebrows furrowed. "And what exactly makes you think that?"

"Well, she attractive, and she knows it. She wants to be wooed. Which I could do, but see the jewelry? And the bag? She has money, and wants people to know it. Eventually, she'd want to take me to parties and whatnot, to show me off. And that's when I'd jump ship. I don't like people thinking they own me." Axel explained, voice growing hard as she came to the end of it.

"But she is pretty, and we could have fun in those six days." Axel said, looking back up at the brunette by the bar. Roxas shrugged.

"You can't tell all that from just looking at her." She said.

"No, _you _can't." Axel said cockily. "Hey, I'm going to go see if I can buy her a drink, hold on."

"What? After all that? What the hell Axel?!" She demanded, watching as the redhead got to her feet, and strolled casually over to the bar, leaning against it beside the woman. Roxas sighed and took another sip of her drink. The napkin on the table caught her eye as she read what Axel had written.

_**Go dance, I'll find you later.**_

Roxas scowled, glancing up at Axel who was now facing the woman, leaning back against the back, drawing in the woman.

Roxas growled, ticked at having nothing to do now that her 'roommate' had ditched her. She finished her drink and stood, walking out of the club. She sighed and went into the back alleyway behind the club. She leaned against the wall, letting the cold air clear her head.

She heard muffled sounds coming from behind her, deeper in the alley. A dumpster obscured her view, and curiosity drove her forward and she walked towards the sounds she couldn't quite make out. She rounded the corner slowly, not wanting to startle anyone, but truth be told, the pair wouldn't have noticed if she had been yelling the whole way.

Roxas froze at the sight that met her eyes. Axel, shirt ruffled, and hair no longer perfect, was leaning into the girl she had seen her talking to at the bar, kissing her. Well, yeah, but like, wow, shouldn't be allowed in public, kissing her.

The woman was up against the brick wall, eyes closed as Axel kissed her neck, sucking slightly. The redhead grinned, and leaned in more, pressing more of her body against the older woman's. Her knee was slightly bent, the knee pressing against the wall behind the other woman.

Roxas couldn't turn away, it was like she was stuck, she knew she should turn, but her body wouldn't obey. She watched as Axel reached up, burying her fingers in the woman's hair. She turned away, suddenly able to, she knew if she didn't, she would see more than she bargained for. So she tuned and quickly and quietly walked back to the mouth of the alley, blushing like crazy.

As she waited, anger took the place of the embarrassment she had felt before. The redhead had made her come out tonight, just to ditch her? And she couldn't leave, Axel was her ride. So she stood there awkwardly, while she waited for the redhead to leave the alley with the brunette.

"Hey."

Roxas jumped about a foot in the air. "Oh, hey."

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. You looked annoyed." The girl who stood in front of her smiled. "I'm Kairi." She spoke again, she sounded nice enough.

"Roxas." She extended her hand.

"Cool, mind if I smoke? Its why I came out here."

"No, go ahead, mind if I bum one though?"

The girl said nothing, but smiled handing her a fag. Roxas smiled her thanks, lighting it and taking a drag. It wasn't her brand, but beggars can't be choosers.

"So, who did what to make you look so royally ticked off?" Kairi inquired.

"Oh, I'm here with a friend, and she ditched me for some girl. So now I have no ride home until she's ready to leave." Roxas explained, taking another drag.

"Wow, that sucks." Kairi said, thinking to herself that it seemed there was more to it, but decided not to say anything.

"Yep." Roxas agreed. "Well, thanks for the cig, I think I'm just going to call a cab, I'll leave a note for her, but I'm tired and I have class in the morning." Kairi nodded, not moving when the blonde pushed off from the wall she had been leaning on.

_**Axel, got tired of waiting for you to be ready to go. Took a cab home, you have the keys. You owe me for the cab fare.**_

Roxas left the note clipped to the windshield of the car and left.

* * *

So there it is. Sorry if it was sort of weird, but I was on massive amounts of cough medicine when I wrote it, so yeah. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review? Please?

Z


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Sorry, I know its really short, but I like how it ends. I'll try to put up another chapter soon, promise.

**Other Stuff:** I did the auditions for my school's talent show today! It was so much fun, I was one of the judges, me and tow other friends are putting it on. And then of course they messed around for like half an hour on stage afterwards. They have Altimate Showdown memorized. They have to much time on their hands. Lol, so that was majorly fun. But I haven't done any homework. I really should. Sigh. Oh, and I'm sick. So that sucks. So heres your chapter. Its really not that long, and I apologize for that.

* * *

Roxas woke up around eight the next morning. She yawned and got up. She glanced at her clock, and bit her lip. She didn't have class yet, so she didn't have to rush too much. She stood and walked over to the bathroom, turning on the water. "Oh Jesus, Axel!" She exclaimed, seeing another set of bathroom essentials. She had completely forgotten that there was another person staying in her apartment.

She finished getting ready and went into the living room. No sound greeted her. She walked back to the guest room, or Axel's room now. "Hey, Axel?" She asked, knocking lightly. No response. "Axel?" She knocked again, still no response. She considered opening the door, but decided against it. She would kill the redhead if she ever did that to her.

Roxas walked back to the living room, sighing. She collapsed on the couch, just as a certain redhead stumbled in. "Hey Roxy." She said, her speech wasn't slurred, and she didn't appear to be drunk, so that was good.

"What the hell Axel?" She demanded, standing up and glaring at the older woman. "Axel, where is my car?"

"Hm? Oh, I left it in the garage." Axel explained, looking around. She looked mildly disoriented.

"My keys." She demanded, royally pissed off. When Axel didn't respond, she said it again, louder.

"Oh, yeah, sure, catch." The redhead said, tossing the keys to the blonde.

"Um, is that it? You drag me to a bar and abandon me, leaving me no way to get home, and all you do is bring my car back and expect it to be okay?" She demanded, glaring.

"Oh, well, when you say it like that it sounds really bad." Axel said, turning to the kitchen, popping some toast into the toaster. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"Well I hope you had fun with that woman." Roxas snapped.

Axel smirked. "I did, oh, and don't say anything to bad about her, seeing as I'm dating her."

"You're what?" She demanded, aghast. "But you already know how the relationship is going to end!"

"Well, yeah, but come on, she's hot, and trust me, she's one girl that you want a repeat performance." The redhead said, crooked smile on her lips.

"You disgust me." Roxas spat, turning away.

"Oh come on Roxy, don't be mad? Please? Come on, she's nice, really. You'd like her. Her name is Adele."

"Axel, you're using her!"

"We're using each other. I know she's just in it to get at her husband, doesn't mean I'm going to pass up a good fuck." Axel said, grabbing her toast and popping it into her mouth. "Mm, that's hot." She sat, swallowing.

Roxas walked to her room, ignoring the redhead. "Aw, come on Roxy, please don't be mad. I thought you'd be okay!" The redhead followed her back to her room, but didn't dare open the closed door.

"You'll have to come out eventually Rox, please talk to me? Look, I didn't realize how much this upset you. Come on, talk to me! Please?" The desperate tone in her voice just made Roxas more pissed as she turned on her iPod and relaxed into the music.

Roxas spaced out as music blasted from her head phones. She stared at her walls. She had never put anything on them, instead leaving them blank. Her room looked mildly like a hotel room, devoid of anything that would mark it as an individual's.

She had never lived alone before she had come here, she hadn't realized that she had gotten used to it. The silence, being alone. She had lived with Sora, and her parents before that. It was a really nice apartment. Sora had insisted that's she not live in the dorms. Roxas secretly thought it was because her brother wanted just that much more control over her life, but she'd never say as much, and always felt guilty for thinking. Sora loved her. She knew that. He had practically raised her, but he was a bit controlling sometimes. He didn't think highly of much, and clearly looked down on an art major. He saw art as childish, and argued constantly with Roxas about it.

Roxas loved art. She drew nearly constantly. Sketches and paintings were her favorite. It calmed her, different look and texture each brush gave, and how different materials did different things well. She loved it all. Sora didn't.

Roxas had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. A fact Sora constantly reminded her of. He had to drop out of college when their parents had died, so that he could get a job. Now he had a really good job, and the pay was apparently really good. But Sora wanted her to major in business, but she didn't really want to.

She sighed and turned her mind to the task ahead. She could skip one day of classes, she had revenge to plot.

--

Roxas got up at midnight. She had set it all up perfectly. She silently exited her room, and snuck into the redhead's. "Axel!" She hissed, prodding the older girl. "Come on, get up." She dragged her out, knowing she was still half asleep.

She dragged her down to the garage into the car. She knew that the redhead would fall asleep as soon as the car started. All was part of her plan.

Axel woke up as her phone vibrated next to her head. She groaned and turned over, startled to find grass on her face. "Wha-?" She opened her eyes and sat up. She was in a field, from the looks of it on the outskirts of town. A cow looked at her, blinked and started eating again. She looked at her phone, she had one new text.

_**Now we're even.**_

* * *

**Ending Notes:** I love the ending. It just works. Ok, so please review. That is one of the resons that this is up so soon. If it wasn't for you guys, it definately wouldn't have been for a little longer. So please review, it makes me smile, and makes me *hopefully* update sooner. Love you all.

Z


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **Hey!!! So heres the next chapter. Its longer than the last one, I don't know what was wrong with the last one, I don't know. Sorry it took so long for me to finish this. I hope you enjoy it.

**Other Stuff:** Oh! I dyed my hair!!! YAY!!!! Its red. It turned out a little more pink then I wanted, and a little more natural looking as well. I know those two things don't really go together, but it works. So I'm crazy happy about that! Yay!!! I'm happy about weird things. And I heard from all the choirs I auditioned for, I didn't get into any of them. But it means next year will be crazy fun. I mean, you put me, my friend Hannah, and my other friend Amber in a class together, especially one that I could do in my sleep, poor poor choir teacher. Lolz. Sigh, well, I hope you like the chapter!

* * *

"Roxas!" Axel yelled, slamming open the door and striding up to where Roxas sat on the couch reading a book. "You ever pull a stunt like that and so help me, you will regret me for the rest of your life."

"You about done?" Roxas asked, looking up from her book calmly.

Axel nodded, still frowning.

"Ok." The blonde said, rising slowly and looking calm. "The way I see it, the matter is over. So, we cool?"

"Yeah." Axel said, sighing and running her fingers through her hair. "Fine, so what do we do now?"

"Nothing, I'm going to read." She said, sitting back down and picking back up her book. Axel laughed.

"You're really something kid, you know that?" She said, shaking her head and heading off to take a shower. She might not like it, but she had to respect the little blonde for pulling something like that off.

"Hey, the red towels are for you." Roxas yelled over her shoulder, not looking up.

--

One week later . . .

--

"Hey, Demyx wants to go to a club with him and Zexion tonight. You in?" Axel asked, she was at work, and Roxas had just walked in. The redhead had already handed her the coffee she had made for her in advance.

"Yeah, sure. So, how are you and Adele doing?" She asked with a mocking smile.

"Shut up." Axel had broken up with the older woman a few days ago, after Adele had invited her to a formal party with her group of friends, exactly what she had predicted six days earlier.

Roxas smirked. "So am I picking you up after work? Or is Dem?"

"You, if you can." Axel said, smiling.

"Yeah, I'll be here, you have a change of clothes, or are we stopping home before hitting Dem's?"

"Neither, we'll meet them down town. Oh, and I think Zex and Dem might come back and hang after." She said.

"Ok." Roxas said, smiling and leaving.

--

When Roxas entered the coffee house, the redhead was in the back. "Hey Ax! You back there?" She called.

"Yeah, hold on, just have to finish up here, can you lock up for me?" She called, Roxas could easily do that, she had helped her lock up before.

The blonde just smiled and began to lock up. Five minutes later they were walking through the park to get to where car was parked. Roxas wore heavier makeup then she normally did, fitting with the neon top that she wore over tight black skinny jeans and combat boots. Her soft spikes bounced around her head as she walked, the only jewelry she wore was a choker around her neck.

"Axel, put on a jacket, at least until we get to the club?" Roxas suggested, glancing at how much skin was exposed on the woman beside her. Her top was a silver halter. It covered barely any of her back. About two strings worth. She wore the same black leather pants she had worn before.

"What, this bothers you?" She asked, leaning sideways, the halter top material moved, shimmering slightly in the moonlight.

"Shut up, you've got to be freezing."

Axel's skin practically glowed in the semi light, pearly white, and completely unmarked. She rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything as she got into the car. Roxas never let her drive. Ever. She was weirdly paranoid, if anyone so much as looked sidelong at her car she would flip out. It was her pride and joy. She was crazy protective of it. Sort of like Axel was about her motorcycle.

Roxas slipped into the car, quickly pulling away from the curb. "Don't get to drunk, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. And we'll have to watch Demyx. We don't want a repeat of last time." Axel said, smiling slightly. No one wanted that.

"God, it's so true!" Roxas laughed. She parked the car, and got out. She got out of the car and turned around, stretching. Axel followed, and together they entered the club.

"AXEL ROXAS!!!!!!!!!!!!" A blonde blur slammed into them both.

"Holy shit, Demyx!" The redhead yelled, pushing off the slightly shorter blonde. Who just laughed.

A guy with blue hair walked over slowly. "Hey." Zexion said calmly. He hardly ever spoke, and smiled even less, but Demyx was the one exception. The blonde seemed to be able to coax words and smiles out of the blunette all the time.

Roxas smiled, and looked around. "What is this place anyway?"  
"Oh, its new, and there's this DJ that I like, so I thought we'd check it out." Said Demyx, still smiling, nothing could take it away.

Axel nodded. She turned a pouting face to Roxas. "Come on Roxy, dance with me?" She pleaded.

She sighed. "Fine." And she allowed herself to be dragged onto the dance floor. The DJ really was good. She could see why Demyx liked her. Axel placed one hand on her hips, linking them, but leaving her other am to move with the beat.

She couldn't hear the words, but the beat was easy enough to hear, and she loved the sound. Roxas swayed arms raised about her head, a smile graced her lips as she continued to move in front of the redhead.

Axel's halter moved, ghosting against her skin. It shimmered, it really was astounding in the light. Her eyes followed the gentle curve of the blonde's cheek down to her chin. Her lips were parted slightly, and her eyes seemed to glow the most brilliant blue the redhead had ever seen.

"Your eyes are really something, you know that?" She said, they unconsciously slowed and drew closer together.

Roxas dropped her arms, blushing slightly. She starred up into that incredible green. Axel hesitantly raised a hand, lightly brushing the younger girl's cheek. Both girls had stopped moving completely by this time. Her thumb brushed her lip slightly, gazing intently into the smaller girl's eyes. Seconds passed, and neither girl moved.

The song ended.

"Hey, Axel, Roxas, come on!" Demyx bounced over, breaking the two's locked stares.

Roxas blushed and turned to Demyx. "What is it Dem?"

"I'm bored, let's go."

"What? You were the one who wanted to come out here." Axel said, jumping in.

"Yeah, but that was when I thought the DJ I like was playing." He whined, Zexion stood slightly behind Demyx, he would do whatever the blonde wanted, he lived to please him. It was the kind of guy he was, if he honestly loved you, he would do anything to make you happy. Roxas thought it was sweet, Axel thought it was pathetic, but would never say as much to his face.

Roxas almost laughed. It was just so Demyx to drag them all to a club and then want to leave right away. "Yeah, I'm cool with leaving. You guys want to come back to the apartment?" Demyx smiled and nodded vigorously. Axel just rolled her eyes.

Everyone piled into the car again, Axel still pretending to be pissed off. Everyone knew she didn't really care, but no one really cared. They stopped at a cheap place to get beer on the way home, Zexion had to buy. He was the only one who was twenty-one, but most people didn't care.

Alcohol in hand, the four returned to the medium sized apartment, and immediately crashed in the living room. They talked for a bit, before someone, probably Demyx, suggested they play a drinking game. The others were already too drunk to protest much.

And that was how they ended up playing 'I've never' at three in the morning, all getting increasingly drunk.

"I've never . . . "Roxas paused to think of something. "fucked someone in a classroom." She finished, laughing as Axel and Demyx guiltily took swigs from their respective drinks.

"I've never had sex with someone without knowing their last name." That was Zexion, and this time Axel and Roxas had to drink.

"I've never slept with someone on a dare." Demyx. No one took a sip.

"I've never-"It was Axel's turn, she looked at Demyx, raised an eyebrow playfully, and continued. "Slept with a guy."

"You dirty little- I should throw something at you for that. I thought we weren't going to target people!" Demyx whined. "Besides, that's boring. And you know the next thing that's going to be said is 'I've never slept with a girl' and then it'll be this whole big thing. And it'll go back and forth for ages."

"Shut up and take your drink." Axel shot back, Zexion and Roxas had already taken theirs, and glaring, Demyx followed suit.

"I've never slept with a girl." Roxas said, rolling her eyes. Everyone but Demyx took a drink.

"Yes, I've slept with a girl, no I'm not bi. I'm gay." Zexion explained, seeing the look Roxas gave him, he said it in a way that clearly said it was not the first time he had had to say it.

Demyx rolled his eyes. "It's my turn. I've never made out with a girl." Fingers went down all the way around. This didn't go unnoticed by Axel.

"Rox? You've made out with a girl? I wouldn't peg you as the type." She smirked.

"I thought we didn't get to ask questions." Roxas reminded dangerously. "Or should I remind you about some of the questions I could ask? So, what's sex like with a knife to someone's throat?"

"Shut up! It so wasn't like that!" Axel scrambled, she had forgotten that had already come up in this game. "It wasn't as bad as he makes it sound!"

Roxas just snickered. "So, can we keep going then?" She asked, creepily sweet.

Three hours later found them all past out, hanging all over each other and the couch.

* * *

**End Notes:** Lol, so fun fact, all the 'I've never's that were in this chapter are actual ones that have been used in games I've taken part in. Not 'Ive Never', but Ten Fingers, which is a slight variation. So yeah, no, I'm not a slut, and have not done any of those things. I just know really weird people. Hehe, I had fun writing a little of Zexion, Demyx, roxas and especially Axel's sexual historys. Hehe, that was fun. I'm taking it sort of slow with this story, so if you want me to speed up, let me know and I will. Ok, so review, please.

Z


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** Hey sports fans! I know its taken me WAY to long to get this next part up. I'm SORRY!!!! Please don't kill me! Its the second longest chapter, so yay! Um, its an important plot chapter, so thats nice. I hope you like it. Oh, and yes, it will be explained what Rox is allergic to. I didn't forget about it! Ok, so please review it? Please? I hope you like it. So here it is.

* * *

Roxas woke as her cell phone went off again. This seemed like the hundredth time she had awoken to find it going off. "Roxas! Shut that damn thing off!" That was Axel, she was holding a pillow over her head, and had thrown another at Roxas, but it missed and hit Demyx instead.

"Oi! What was that for?" Dem yelled, hopping up and glaring at Axel who still hadn't uncovered her head.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm shutting it off, next time you get me drunk, remind me to shut off my alarm _before_ we go to sleep!" Roxas said, finally able to shut off the awful beeping sound coming from the phone. She grabbed the pillow that had landed near her when Axel had thrown it at Demyx, and threw it back at the redhead.

Grumbling, they all got up, to awake to go back to sleep, and each with a splitting head ache. Except Zexion, who somehow was completely fine, he was sitting in the kitchen when the other three stumbled in, reading the paper, and with coffee already made.

"How does he do that?" Axel demanded, looking at Zexion's completely awake, and hangover-less expression. None of the others responded as they wordlessly took their cups of coffee. As the coffee slowly disappeared, they all began to feel more like themselves again, which meant they also started to feel the aftereffects of sleeping all night in varying positions on the couch and floor.

"We should probably take off soon." Zexion announced, glancing at his watch. He looked up the taller of the two blondes, and smiled. He looked so tired, but at the same time, the twinkle was beginning to come back into his eye.

"Yeah, okay. See you guys around." Axel said, visibly drooping from the night before. "I'm going to hop in the shower."

* * *

When Axel left the bathroom, she found the apartment empty. "Roxas?" She called, looking for the short blonde.

"In here." Was the muffled reply she got. She followed the voice to the door to Roxas' room, knocking before entering.

The blonde lay out on her bed. Sprawled was a more accurate term. She wasn't very big, but somehow she managed to take up every inch of space on her generously sized bed. Her laptop sat in front of her, but she stopped typing when the redhead entered her room. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Axel said, surveying the blonde laying on her stomach, feet up in the air. "What're you doing?"

"Research paper. And a jotting down some ideas for the project we have to do for our sociology class. You skipped last class, but we got paired. Have you read the description of the assignment yet?" Roxas asked, looking up, and cracking her neck in the process.

"Um, yeah, I didn't know we got paired though. What do you think we'll want to do?" She asked, sitting down on the floor facing the bed and leaning against the wall.

"Um, well I've had a few ideas. We have to design and complete and experiment to see how people react to different things that aren't 'normal', so that leaves us a lot of wiggle room. But fist, we have to decide on the specific question we want to ask." Roxas said, thinking aloud. She loved doing stuff like this, and her mind was already spinning through all the steps of the scientific method, and how they could do each one.

"Well, I think we should focus on how people react when a social contract is broken, like one of those subtle things that just aren't done. Like how there is a silent agreement that everyone will face the door in an elevator. It's just something everyone does, but none talks about it." Axel said, keeping up with Roxas completely. She was really looking forward to this assignment, even though it would be a lot of work, it still seemed like it had potential not only to be fun, but also really interesting.

"So, our question could be something like: How do people react when a person breaks one of the unwritten laws that dictate behavior among people in groups?" Roxas suggested. "If we decide to go with the elevator one that is."

"Yeah, but more specific once we decide what we want to do." It went on like that for a while, both girls totally getting into it. They felt like they weren't really on topic, because they were laughing so much, and enjoying themselves completely. Which is why, three hours later, when they finally stopped, they were shocked to see how much they'd done.

* * *

It was raining. Roxas and Axel had stopped working for lunch, and had peaked out the window, seeing the downpour. "Well that sucks." Axel said, watching dismally as the drops ran down the window.

"What?" Roxas asked, already pulling on her jacket and with a rain boot half on her foot. "You don't like the rain?" She asked. She had always loved the rain, even when she was a baby. She couldn't wait to get out into the storm and feel it around her. But she stopped, shocked that Axel wouldn't share her love of it.

"Nope. Never have. What, you do?" The redhead asked, looking up to see the cutest thing. Roxas was struggling not to fall over, one foot still half in a rain boot and an arm through a sleeve of her jacket. Her mouth was set firmly in a pout. The pout turned to a frown as Axel burst out laughing. "I'm so-sorry." She managed to get out through her laughter. She still laughed, until she felt a hand close around her wrist. "Wha-?" She asked as she was pulled clear across the room and out the door.

"How can you not like it?" Roxas asked, pulling a very surprised redhead out of the apartment. "Its amazing." Her face seemed to glow as she spoke, which was the only thing that kept Axel from hitting her.

She crossed her arms in front of her, scrunching up her shoulders to try to avoid the rain. It wasn't to cold, but everything was cold to her. And wet. She hated it. "Look, I'm out in the rain, happy now? Can I please go outside?" She asked, watching the blonde twirl in the rain, looking up at the sky, holding her hands out to catch the rain drops.

Roxas turned looking at Axel, blonde hair melting in the rain. "Why?"

"Rox, its cold! And wet, let's go inside." She knew she was whining, but she couldn't help it. She **hated** the rain.

"It's not that cold." Roxas objected, walking closer to Axel. "Here, if I give you my jacket will you stay out here with me?" She looked up at Axel, blue eyes sparking in the light. Axel couldn't do anything but say yes. She took the offered jacket and sat down under the overhang.

She watched as the blonde ran back out into the rain, her white t-shirt hanging off her shoulders. She stood in the middle of the street, eyes closed, head tilted slightly back like she was trying to soak in all the world. She looked beautiful. Axel had never seen anyone look so peaceful. So perfect, and for a second, she wished she could be a part of it. Be a part of her.

Roxas walked back to her some time later. Axel wouldn't have been able to tell if it had been five minutes later, or five hours. Time had ceased to exist in that time. She had been taken completely in by the blonde in the rain.

* * *

The next few weeks passed rather uneventfully. But Axel had started acting strangely, which of course had Roxas freaking out. "Demyx? Has Axel talked to you? She keeps avoiding me. She's acting really weird, do you know what's going on? Please give me a call when you can." Seventh message in the last two days. Stupid blonde, Roxas thought.

The door to the apartment swung shut, and Axel walked in. "Hey Ax, you want something to drink?" Roxas called, peaking at the redhead through the doorway. She looked exactly the same, she seemed to droop in her normally proud frame. Her eyes never left the floor as she politely declined the offer. "I think I might just head to bed. I've got work tomorrow, so don't expect me until late." She walked away, quickly closing the door to her room behind her.

Roxas sighed. What was going on with that girl? She hadn't seemed this low since the day they had met. She tried to forget it, tried to think about something else. But her mind kept wandering back to the girl on the other side of the wall. Eventually, she went to bed, feeling she had the right to since she had done most of the work she had intended to do that night. She curled up on her bed, waiting for sleep to overtake her.

Sleep didn't come. Around three in the morning, she sighed and got up. She tiptoed to the kitchen, not wanting to wake her older roommate, but found that it didn't matter, when she was greeted by the sight of Axel sitting at the dining room table cup in hand. She looked up when the blonde came in. "Hey." She said, her face softened, but there was most definitely a shadow hanging there.

"Hey yourself." Roxas replied simply. "Can't sleep. You?"

"Nope. Not a wink." Axel replied, sighing. The blonde quickly got herself a mug of warm milk, in hopes that it would help her get to sleep, and sat across from Axel.

"You haven't been yourself lately." She stated, looking at the older girl.

Axel sighed. "No, no I haven't." She said, looking down into her cup.

After waiting a moment, Roxas realized Axel wasn't going to continue on her own. "Why?" She asked simply, looking at her full on.

Axel sighed. "Tomorrows my sister's birthday." She didn't know how to continue, but knew she had to.

"What happened?" Roxas asked softly. She reached out to take Axel's hand, but pulled back and folded her hands around her mug instead.

Axel didn't speak for a while, but when she did, it was with a soft, almost broken voice that Roxas wouldn't have recognized if she hadn't seen it come from the redhead's mouth.

"I was fourteen when my dad adopted my little sister. Michaela. He and his wife had wanted a baby, but they were too old, so they adopted. I thought it would get easier, my stepmother wouldn't bother me so much if she had her own kid, you know?

She was so perfect. Completely perfect. I loved her so much. There has never been a more perfect being. The first time I held her, I knew she had me. She could tell me to jump off a bridge and I would do it without thinking, just to make her smile.

I was having trouble with my dad and his wife. I never knew my mom, and before Sheri it had always just been my dad and me. We got along really well, and we were happy. And then he got remarried. I'm not stupid, it's not like she's my evil stepmother or something. Things could never be that simple. I liked her, but things are complicated, and things change. Seems rather unimportant now, doesn't it?"

Axel took a shaky breath, she closed her eyes, opening them again when she continued.

"I didn't like it there, it was hard to live with them. But I did it. I would do it for her. Forever. I had just found out I was gay. Her name was Erica. She was the first girl I ever loved. We were together for a year before she left me. She was out, completely, and I wasn't. I was terrified of people finding out, and that never works. She felt like I was ashamed of her, and when things ended, even though she was the one ending, it hurt her. She- she told my dad and Sheri." A tear slid down her cheek as she relived that betrayal.

"I, they kicked me out. Sheri went nuts when she found out. She screamed at me for hours, telling me how wrong I was. That I wasn't supposed to be that way. That no one would ever love me. That- that she wouldn't let Michaela anywhere near me. That she wanted me gone. She never wanted to see my face again, and how could I do this to her and my father. I ran. Just ran.

She was the only mother I had ever known. She had stolen my world, and I had hated her, but she was still the only mom I'd ever had." The tears were coming hard now, but Axel ignored them.

"Michaela won't even know I exist. She'll never know- know that I once loved her more than life itself. Still love her more, and- and she won't even know that she has a big sister." Axel stopped holding back and sobbed. Full out, sobs wracked her body. She couldn't even picture the little girl's face anymore. It had been so long. She wasn't even sure she would recognize her on the street. "She-she'll never know how much I love her."

Axel slowly pulled herself back together, piece by piece rebuilding the broken girl she was. "I spent the next three years in foster care, and on Demyx's couch. He saved me from being on the street. But it's still hard, especially around this time of the year. I don't even know where they live now. I know they moved, I went back to the house a couple of years ago, I don't really know why. Maybe because I like hurting myself, but they weren't there. They had left long ago. There was another family there. Three little girls and their parents. I watched them swing on the same swing that my dad set up for me when I was six." Axel didn't look up from her drink, but took another swig. "I don't even know if Michaela has a swing."

Roxas looked at Axel. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she hadn't shed one. It didn't seem right somehow, it wasn't her pain. She wasn't the one who had lost everything. "Axel. . ." She started.

"Don't, please, don't say anything." Axel pleaded, finally looking up from her glass. Roxas' heart broke. She silently got up, walking over to Axel, and bent forward, pressing her lips to the older girl's.

* * *

**Ending Notes: **So there it is, you get to learn a bit about Axel's past, and they kiss. Little bit out of left field? Yes, a bit, but there'll be more in the next chapter. I hope you liked it. It was hard to write, alot of this came from my life, so sorry if you didn't like it. Axel and Roxas are a lot like me in some ways. I really liked the bit with the rain, thats really from my life as well. I love the rain, and I think that bit isn't written to badly. So let me know what you thought, or if you want me to change the way things are going. I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, I have no excuses. Please review it.

Z


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I don't know if I really have to keep doing this, but its been a while, and I still don't own it. Sigh, I kinda wish I did, but then again, I'm sort of a slacker. Whatever. I also don't own Keeping You A Secret although I totally wish I did. That book kicks ass.

**Author's Note: **Wow, shit, its been so long! Sorry. But it is the longest chapter yet, so yay? This was a hard chapter to write, like really tough, and I wrote it in chunks, so forgive me if it kinda sucks. They go alot better if I can write them in one sitting, but hey. Once again, sorry that it took me so long. So without any more distractions, chapter nine.

* * *

Roxas had been thinking about it for a while now, thinking about closing that small distance between them, not a physical distance, but it was there, she could feel it. They were standing in front of this huge cliff, with nowhere to go unless they jumped. Unless she jumped. They were closer than close, thick as thieves, where else could their relationship go? But could she really do it? Could she take that smallest of steps that would force her world to tumble around her?

Yes.

If it meant having the redhead, if it meant holding her. Everything would change after that. She knew it. The thought terrified her, but excited her. Like a train wreck, she couldn't pull her thoughts away from it, that one step she could take. She had the power, but she still felt completely powerless. It would be easy, just pressing her lips to the other girl's. How could something so small change so much? Make everything so different.

She knew it was cliché, but she had never felt like this before, at least not for another woman. And it had been driving her crazy for weeks. Ever since she had first seen her, the older woman had confused her. And now she was doing it, she had thought about it for weeks, wondering idly what it would feel like, what it would mean.

And now she was doing it. Holy shit, what was she doing? She pulled back, it had happened so quickly, she hadn't even thought about it. Axel, she had been through so much, she was so strong. She had never seen anyone look as beautiful as the redhead had with tears running down her perfect skin.

"I-I'm sorry." She whispered, jerking up and turning, in her head she had already fled, running long and hard, she didn't know where she would go, she just had to get away. The 'wait' Axel called after her didn't even register in her mind until she finally stopped running.

How the hell had this happened? What the hell was happening to her? She wasn't gay. She didn't kiss other girls. She didn't, not even when she was drunk or at one of those stupid high school sleep over things. She just didn't. She had focused on school. She had gotten good grades, top of her class, going home to do homework and wait for Sora to get back from his job. Making dinner, being responsible, helping however she could. She didn't do stuff like this, she didn't spontaneously kiss people. She didn't kiss her female roommate. She just didn't.

She dropped to the ground. Not even realizing she had run down to the beach until then. She was huddled under the dock, sobbing. Nothing seemed solid, everything was variable. She didn't know which way was up. She didn't know herself. Everything she had kept hidden, desperately trying to hide and deal with had broken through her dams, and she had no idea how to deal with it.

Sobbing she curled up into a ball, laying sideways on the sand. She just needed time to think. No, not to think, she didn't want to think. She never wanted to think ever again. She just wanted things to stop. Everything was spinning, moving much too fast. She needed to get a grip. She needed to move. She knew she couldn't lay there forever, she had stopped crying, but she was still shaking.

It was getting dark, Roxas knew hours had passed, but she had no idea what time it was. Her tears had dried long ago, but she still hadn't gotten up. In part she was ashamed, ashamed of going back and facing what had happened. What she had done. She has brought this all on herself. She had kissed her, she had ran, she had sat here for hours, wondering how the hell she was going to deal with this.

--

Axel was asleep when Roxas finally gathered herself up and went home. She had fallen asleep on the couch, judging by the troubled look on her face, she had been waiting for Roxas, worried, when she had fallen asleep. Should she wake her? Or go straight to bed, postpone the inevitable. No, she owed the older girl an explanation.

"Hey, A-Axel?" Roxas asked tentatively. She kneeled in front of Axel. The redhead stirred, opening her eyes slowly, blinking a few times before rubbing them, and looking at the blonde.

"Roxas? Gods, are you okay? I was so worried!" She said, slipping down to the floor and pulling the smaller girl into a tight hug.

"I-I'm so sorry." Roxas blubbered, hugging Axel tightly. Tears had started to flow down her cheeks again. "Axel, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that." She pulled back, looking into the redhead's face.

"No! No, it's okay, breathe. Are you okay?" Axel said, cradling the blonde, brushing a strand out of her eyes. "It's okay." She whispered, soothingly.

Roxas took a deep breath, she could feel Axel's eyes on her, watching her face. She could feel the other girl's breath on her lips, they were so close. "I-I'm not . . . not ready." Her voice trailed off, she couldn't look at her.

"That's fine, sweetie, don't worry. But please, don't you dare run off like that again." Axel demanded, her grip tightening around the smaller girl's arms painfully. She gasped as Roxas let out a squeak of pain, releasing her instantly. "I'm so sorry!" She cried, pulling her into a hug. "You just scared me, that all. It's late, let's go to sleep, okay? We can work through all this tomorrow." She suggested, helping the other girl up, and carefully walked her over to her room. She was so fragile looking, so breakable.

Axel knew that pain, had lived that pain. She knew exactly what the girl was going through.

--

"Hey Roxas, you awake?" Axel called through the door, she didn't want to open it, figuring that was to much of an intrusion of the younger girl's privacy.

"Yeah, I'm up." Roxas sighed, sitting up in her bed. "You can come in if you want."

"Yeah, okay." Axel whispered, walking in. She sat down on the bed facing the shorter blonde. "Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah." Roxas sighed. She looked back up at Axel. "I'm sorry." She said, looking down again.

"It's okay. I understand, really. Don't worry about it. Come get something to eat." Axel said, smiling. She hopped up and walked to the kitchen, glancing behind to make sure Roxas was following.

Roxas was there, following. "So what you ganna make me?" Roxas asked, sitting down on one of the stools. She looked so cute and child-like that Axel couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. "Don't know, eggs?" She asked, looking at the blonde.

"Yeah, sure." Roxas said, dropping the little kid act. She hopped up and walked to the fridge, opening it and grabbing a water bottle. She chugged half of it, wincing as the cold water hit her throat. "I hate that 'just woke up' taste." She sighed, looking at the redhead. "So, when do I get those eggs?" She asked.

Axel chuckled, flicking water at Roxas with the spatula she had just rinsed off. She broke two eggs, and started working on the eggs. "You want them sunny side up or easy over?" She asked.

"Well, I know you want me to say easy over so you can show off how you flip it in the air, and you are making me breakfast, so I guess if you really want to-" She was cut off as she watched the eggs fly into the air and be expertly caught in the pan by the redhead. "Ok then."

Axel grinned. "Hey, you said that's what you wanted. Besides, when else am I going to get to show off all the skills that I acquired when I was heading for life as a chef if I don't used them to impress the ladies?" She asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah yeah. Just make sure that the yolk doesn't break."

"Honey, please. When I make an egg, I make an egg. I don't mess around with stuff like that. Don't insult me. I could churn out a dozen perfect eggs in an hour, more if I'm allowed more than one burner." Axel said, proving her point by flipping out two perfectly done eggs onto a plate. She dusted them with salt, sprinkling the cheese she had grated over the top, letting it rest for a second so the still warm eggs could melt the cheese slightly, and then added a garnish.

Axel slid the plate in front of Roxas, and laughed as the blonde devoured it in seconds, not even noticing or caring about the presentation. "You know you'd do horribly as a judge at a high culinary level."

"Yep." She said, finishing the eggs, and sliding the clean plate back across the counter to Axel. The redhead took it and put it in the sink, rinsing it before putting it in the dish washer. They had refined their morning routine to near perfectly synchronized.

"Hey, the troop had a performance coming up, so I won't be around as much. Do you want to see us perform?" Axel asked, watching the blonde for any signs she was crossing a line.

"I don't know. Depends when it is." She replied, blushing slightly. She knew the redhead was part of a troop of performers, but she didn't know exactly what it was that she did.

"Dem'll give me a ride, so you don't have to worry about me taking the car." Axel said, looking down. She couldn't help but feel weird about it. She was living with her straight roommate, who had kissed her. And now she was inviting her to see her perform. It just felt weird to her. "Um, maybe you should give this one a miss. It'll actually be kind of far out of the way."

"Yeah. I'll just see you some other time. Have fun with the troop. Say hi to Dem for me, won't you?" Roxas asked, not looking up from the floor. "Um, the guys wanted me to ask you if you'd help them, they're celebrating something or other, and they're doing something with explosives. I think Zexion wants you there to make sure they don't blow anything up."

"Then why does he want _me_ there?" Axel thought allowed. Zexion knew she knew how to handle explosives, but he knew that because she had once nearly destroyed his sink. That was before he had moved out, at which point Demyx had dumped her as a roommate to move in with him. She had personally thought it was just to spite her until they had made their relationship publically known.

"Beats me, but he wants you to call him. And it's your turn to pick up groceries. If I give you the list, will you please get them before I get home from class? If you don't we both know I'll end up getting them, and that'll really piss me off." Roxas continued, successfully pulling Axel out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, just give me the list." Axel said, taking a sip of her coffee, and looking up as Roxas handed her a scrap of paper and walked out to go to her first class.

"Well, what the hell should I do now?" She demanded of no one in particular.

--

When Roxas got home, she was greeted by an empty apartment. She sat down at the table, and sighed. Things were so confusing now. She had been thinking about the redhead all day. She couldn't help it, all through her classes, she had been distracted. Every time she had closed her eyes, she could feel the ghost of Axel's lips against hers.

All the things she hadn't quite registered when she had kissed her, had come back to her during the day. How soft her lips had been, how her hair had felt against her cheek. How even though she had been completely shocked, it had still felt completely different then every other kiss she had ever had.

She could still feel it. It confused her. She knew she had had crushes on girls before, but that was normal, right? With so many hormones rushing through her system, it was normal to be attracted to other people. She was straight.

Roxas sighed. She was tired, and thinking so hard about this stuff, she wanted to stop worrying about it and just not think about it.

Axel got home a few hours later, and found Roxas asleep on the couch. She smiled affectionately at the smaller girl. She was so cute when she was asleep. "Hey Roxas, it's late." She called, dropping her stuff and looking over the side of the couch to see the blonde stirring.

"Mmng- what time is it?" Roxas mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"Ten thirtyish." Axel replied. The redhead smiled and walked back to the kitchen, she got a can of Arizona iced tea and popped the top open.

Roxas got up and walked after the taller girl. She leaned past her, grabbing the door of the fridge before it could close completely. She frowned softly as Axel drew back slightly. She grabbed a string cheese and leaned back against the counter. "How was your class?" She asked.

"Pretty good, you know same old same old." She responded yawning and taking another swig of her tea.

She walked out, back into the living room, Roxas followed after her. "I'm going to hit the hay, see you tomorrow." She said, going into her room.

--

It was obvious that something had changed between them. Axel no longer touched her at all. She wasn't sure why, but she knew it. It was strange, the more the other girl didn't touch her, not even once, the more the redhead took up her thoughts.

Roxas awoke one morning to find that the redhead had already left. There was a note, and a cup of coffee. The note explained that Axel had left early to go to a swim meet for the school. Something about a friend of hers being in it, and that she wanted to support them.

After getting dressed, Roxas ran to the doughnut shop that Axel and she liked to go to, and picked up a little bit for breakfast and coffee. She had decided to meet Axel at the meet, so she got into her car and drove there. When she arrived, she wasn't at all surprised to see Axel waiting out front for her.

"Did you bring me doughnuts?" She asked expectantly, her eyes already having locked onto the bag in the blonde's hand.

"Yeah, so how'd the meet go?" Roxas asked.

"Pretty well, it's not over quite yet, do you want to watch the rest?" She asked, smiling.

"Yeah, sure. I brought you coffee as well." She said, handing the bag to the taller girl.

Axel led the way back in, chatting and telling Roxas how the meet had gone so far. When they walked through the door and into the pool room, a race was already partly completed.

"Shit, this is the race my friend is in." Axel said, rushing forward to get a better look at what was going on. She still hadn't touched the other girl, and it was driving her crazy.

The race ended, and Roxas walked over to where the redhead was standing with another girl, a shorter girl with obviously dyed hair. It was a dark black that slowly became a brilliant blue. She was talking with Axel, and as Roxas watched, she threw back her head and laughed. Axel laughed as well, and through her arms around the shorter girl.

She walked over to them. "Hey." She said, smiling at Axel before turning to the new girl. "I'm Roxas, I don't think we've met."

"I was just telling Rhi about you." Axel said with a smile.

"Rhianna, Axel just calls me Rhi because when we met she couldn't pronounce the rest of my name, isn't that right Ax?" The girl, Rhianna said, smiling back at Axel. Her dark hair was still wet, dangling in slight curls around her face.

"So how long have you guys known each other?" Roxas asked.

"Um, since forever." Rhi said, laughing again. She seemed an easy enough person to get along with, fun and full of energy.

Axel laughed. "And you're still swimming. Even though you ended dead last. Still." She said, poking her arm playfully. Roxas hadn't realized how much she had missed the way she and Axel used to touch that way. The way they would just hang out.

"Shut up! At least I've found something fun to do with my time, other than fucking. Can you really say the same?" Rhianna demanded, laughing again. She was still only wearing her bathing suit, a fact she just seemed to realize. "Hey, I have to go, you know, change, hang out with the team, that sort of thing. I'll call you later this week." She said, smiling and bounding off.

"Well, she's something." Roxas said, smiling wryly.

"Yeah, Rhi's great." Axel said, looking back. "So I have a catering gig later this week, you interested in helping? My boss says he's looking for someone to help out, you want to? It'll be a paid job." Axel offered, smiling.

"Yeah, sure. Tell your boss I'm in. But only if you can keep your hands off of me." Roxas said cockily.

--

Darkness, it was everywhere. Surrounding her, drowning her. She couldn't breathe, couldn't scream, or breathe. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "No no no nononononono!" She mouthed the words over and over again, but no sound came out. She was terrified, she couldn't breathe. "Please" she whispered, "don't let this be happening. Please, make it stop." She couldn't think. She knew the tears were running down her cheeks, she wanted to wipe them away, but she couldn't, couldn't move.

Roxas sat straight up. Someone was screaming. It took a second to realize the shrill sound was coming from her. It cut off with a strangled cry. She could feel the tears still flowing down her face. She took huge breathes of air, gulping them in, trying desperately to calm herself.

"Roxas? Roxas are you okay?" Mere seconds had passed and Axel was right beside her. Holding her. Axel wrapped her arms around the smaller girl. She could feel the other girl's sobs wracking her body. "Shh, it's ok. It's okay. Breathe. Everything is fine. Everything will be just fine." She murmured comfortingly to the other girl.

She was still shaking, tremors wracked through her entire body. She was finally able to open her eyes, still sobbing. Green. Brilliant green. "P-Please." She stammered, tears still pouring down her face.

"What? What can I do?" Axel asked, desperately. She wanted to help so badly, but she had no idea how. She hugged her, pulling her tightly to her chest.

"P-p-please. Help me." Roxas begged, no longer able to see through her tears.

"Roxas, Roxas look at me. Breathe with me. Inhale . . . exhale . . . inhale . . . exhale . . ." Axel said, holding Roxas' face between her hands and forcing the girl to look into her eyes. "I'm right here, right here with you."

Slowly, the younger girl began to calm down, breathe more normally. Axel wrapped her arms around the blond, holding her to her chest as she cried herself slowly back to sleep.

* * *

**Ending Notes:** So there it is. Exciting stuff, isn't it? So yeah, Roxas has a past. And all was not just peaches and cream. Will it take me as long to update? Who knows? Maybe I'll get more reviews which will inspire me to write the next bit? Hm, wonder what will happen? Oh, and yes, some bits were a wee bit similar to parts of Keeping You A Secret, I love the book, and was re-reading it when I wrote those parts. I really love the book. Its really a great thing. So yeah. I hope you enjoyed it. I really like it when people review. :D

Z


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: **Ok, I must be crazy!Posting the next chapter so soon after the last one? Yeah, well I just thought I'd remind you what it was like back when I updated like, not between one week, and three weeks after the last chapter. So here it is, even though no one has reviewed. *Sigh* I guess you guys just don't really love me. Not that I don't deserve it. But still, this is my longest chapter yet! YAY!!! So I haven't written the next chapter yet, so I can't promise when it'll be up. Well, here it is, see you on the other side.

* * *

Roxas awoke on the couch. She sat up, finding the redhead asleep next to her. She blushed, remembering the things that had passed the night before. What would the redhead do when she awoke? Terror seized her. Would she demand that she tell her everything? What had happened, why she was so upset? What would she do if she did?

Axel had officially moved in, and now paid half the rent. It wasn't that she couldn't keep the apartment. Her brother would pick up the rent again, like he had before Axel had moved in, but she didn't like relying on her brother so much. He already paid most of the half rent she paid. But she didn't want to make him pay anymore than what he already did. She didn't want to owe him anymore.

Sora had insisted she go to college. Roxas didn't mind, she liked it, and welcomed the chance to go, but she hadn't been able to afford it, and Sora knew it. So he had insisted he pay. He had a good job, and he wanted his little sister to get the education he hadn't had a chance to get. He knew it was her way out, that getting an education was the only way for her to ever make a better life for herself. And he wanted to do everything he could do ensure that she would get that.

Roxas sighed. She knew exactly why her brother wanted her to get an education. And she knew it was because he loved her that he was pushing her towards the degrees he saw as fit for a reasonable person, but she still hated feeling like she owed him.

She silently got up, trying not to jostle the redhead, and walked over to the kitchen. She quickly brewed some coffee and stretched as the machine did its thing. The buzzer drew her back to the present as she had spaced out again. She grabbed a mug and doctored it to her taste. She wondered idly why it was that everyone liked there coffee different ways. Sometimes it seemed that no two people liked there coffee the exact same way.

She heard Axel stir in the other room. She snorted. It figured, the smell of coffee would wake the redhead. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Axel stumbled into the kitchen, eyes barely open and already searching for the coffee. "Here." Roxas said, thrusting a cup into the other girl's hands.

If Axel had been more awake, she would have smiled a thank you, but as it were, all she could manage was a faint nod. She too doctored her drink, then took a sip, savoring each moment of it. "God that's good."

Roxas smiled. "Yeah." She said, looking down, the smile was not one of joy, but more one of stalling. She didn't want to have the conversation she knew would begin at any moment.

But Axel surprised her. The redhead said nothing about what had happened the night before, instead she acted like any other morning. "I know you don't have class today, I was thinking we could hang out with Dem and Zex, there's a beach not too far from here." She said.

Roxas stared at Axel for a moment. It took her a moment for the shock to subside and for her to realize that she was staring slack jawed at the taller girl. She quickly shut her mouth and turned away. "Um, yeah, okay." She said, trying to fathom what was going through the older girl's head. Had she forgotten? Maybe she was half asleep last night. No, she had been conscious. She knew what was going on, and she had comforted her. And yet, now, she demanded no explanation.

"Uh, um, yeah. The beach sounds fun." Roxas said, still reeling on the inside. "What time do you want to leave?"

"Um, well its half past nine now, so at ten thirty? I'll call Dem, see if there's anyone else who might want to come." Axel said, thinking aloud.

"Ok, I'll go get ready." She replied, still dazed, but coming back a little. She needed time to think, time to understand. She hurried to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She leaned against the counter, looking at her reflection. She took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm herself. This was so strange for her. She felt naked, like the older girl could see right through her. Was the other girl going to ask her about it later? That fear wasn't easily dismissed. It was making her tense.

She sighed. She couldn't do anything about it right now. She could just wait and face anything that came. It's what Sora would do. Sora was always strong, and had always been there for her, to protect her. _No, not always. _A small voice in her head said. But she pushed the thought away.

Sighing once more, she splashed water on her face, glanced at her reflection once more and emerged from the bathroom. Axel was in the living room, shoving stuff into a big bag. Roxas looked it over, realizing it was a beach bag. She looked at the clock, and went to her room to change. They left shortly after. Zexion and Demyx were coming, along with another friend called Marluxia. It wasn't a name she had heard before, but shrugged it off. Apparently both Axel and Demyx had been friends with them, until Marluxia had ended up at a different college. But now they were all going to get together again for the day, something that Axel was very excited about.

As they drove over to pick up the three others, Roxas began to understand that the ban on touching had come back into play. Although Axel had touched her last night, held her, comforted her, now she maintained a careful noncontact. The redhead carefully ensured that they did not brush arms as she drove to Demyx and Zexion's house, and maintained that as they got out of the care and walked to the door.

Roxas knocked, and was greeted by the strangest person she had ever seen. A tallish person, shorter than Axel, but then again, everyone was, with bright pink hair stood in front of her. At first she thought she was looking at a girl, but then it seemed that she was looking at a boy. It was very disconcerting, and the fact that the person in front of her dressed very androgynously didn't help.

"Marly!" Axel cried, embracing the figure tightly. "God it's good to see you! How have you been?" She asked, letting go of Marluxia for a moment.

"Pretty good, this must be Roxas, hello. My name is Marluxia, nice to meet you." Marluxia said.

Roxas smiled. She still didn't know if the figure in front of her was a boy or girl, but it seemed that Axel liked this person well enough."Are we going to take two cars? We can't all fit in one." She said, looking over her shoulder at the car they had driven, it could fit four, but not five.

"Yeah. Mars, you going to go with Dem or us?" Axel asked.

"I'll go with Dem and Zexion. Those two need a chaperone." Marly said with a wry grin.

"Ok, they know the way, we'll be able to follow your car there." Axel explained. "Hurry up and make sure they haven't stopped for some . . . er . . . other activity please." She asked, peering behind Marly into the house.

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

Axel and Roxas climbed back into the car they had come in, waiting for the others to go so they could follow.

"So, um, what is um, Marly?" Roxas asked, blushing fiercely.

"Hm? Oh, you mean the gender thing, yeah. Marluxia is gender non-conforming. So Mars doesn't follow the gender binary. It's sort of weird at first, but you get used to it." Axel explained.

"Oh. So um, what do I call her? Him?" Roxas asked, uncertainly.

"Oh, yeah, there are gender neutral pronouns. The proper pronouns for Marly are ze or hir. Both are ok. Um, it's upsetting for hir when people use the wrong pronouns, so please make an effort. I guess I probably should have mentioned that before. Sorry, slipped my mind." Axel said, it was clear that both girls were uncomfortable. Roxas because she didn't know how to behave, and Axel because she was worried how the other girl was going to react to Marly.

Roxas nodded, thinking about that. "That's cool." She finally said, switching in the radio. They had learned they had very similar tastes in music, which made it easy on car trips. No fighting over whose turn it was to pick the song or CD depending on what they were doing.

The song she flipped to was a favorite of the both of them, and she smiled. Both she and Axel began to sing along to it in the same second, which made them both smile.

They were quiet for most of the rest of the drive, but the awkwardness from earlier had dissipated completely.

--

"Hey, can I ask you a question? And if you say I already have I swear to god . . ." Axel said, turning and looking at Roxas, a smile plastered on her face.

Roxas rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay. What?" She asked.

"Back when we were playing 'I've Never' you said that you had kissed a girl before, I was wondering if you would tell me the story of how that happened." Axel asked. Her voice portrayed only mild interest, but Roxas knew her well enough to know that this was something that she had been wanting to ask for a while.

"Oh, yeah. Um, sure." Roxas said, a blush coloring her cheeks slightly. "There isn't much to tell really, I kissed a girl who was in most of my classes at one of the schools I went to. I went to a lot of different high schools. And I had a friend at one, Amanda, and on my last day before I changed schools, again, I kissed her. We had promised to stay friends forever, you know, I had her number, and was going to call her as soon as I had my new contact information. I kissed her and she flipped out. I called her a few times, but she never called back. Eventually she moved away. Haven't heard from her since. See, nothing really to tell." She explained, looking away.

"And that's the only time you've kissed a girl?" Axel asked, taking her eyes off the road for a moment to look at the blonde.

"Yep. I'm not gay, you know, just experimenting or something." She said, smiling slightly.

The rest of the trip was made in silence.

--

Roxas was aware that at some point she must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew she was waking up to find the car had stopped and they were at the beach. She yawned and got out of the car, stretching.

Marly came over, standing next to the car, ze silently took the bag that Axel handed hir and walked away. "Is . . . ze mad at me?" Roxas asked, looking after the pinklette.

"Nah, probably not. Ze gets a bit nervous when ze meets new people. Ze isn't sure how you'll react to hir. And it scares hir. Ze ran into some trouble with hir gender identity and expression in high school, you know how cruel people can be. It probably didn't help that I didn't' prepare you. You were kind of staring when we first arrived." Axel explained as they followed the others down onto the beach.

It wasn't sunny. Not at all. There was no trace of sun in the sky. The water was dark and angry looking. It looked like late afternoon as opposed to the mid morning it really was. "Wow Axel, you really can pick them." Demyx called, rolling his eyes at how his friend seemed to have a knack for picking the worst days to go to the beach.

"Yeah, well it's not like it's going to keep you from going into the water, is it?" She called back, raising her eyebrows. Demyx muttered something to Zexion, but judging by the glare he threw Axel, she was right.

"I think it's nice, there aren't a ton of people." Roxas said, looking around at the nearly deserted beach. There was a couple a little ways down from them, but as they walked out onto the beach they quickly packed up. Roxas felt more than saw Axel tense up. "What is it?" She asked quietly.

Axel sighed. "Nothing, just forget it." She said, sighing and doing her best to seem like nothing was wrong. Roxas knew better than to believe that, but she let it drop.

As soon as humanly possible, Demyx was in the water. He barely took the time to strip out of his shirt, throw down what he was carrying and then sprint to the water and practically dive in. Zexion walked down to the water, sitting down near the water, but still far enough away so he wouldn't get wet. It looked as if he was going to stay there for a while, probably until Demyx rejoined the dry landed folks.

"Dem loves the water." It was Marluxia, ze had sat down next to Roxas, she was slightly taken aback, she hadn't thought ze would come to near her. She doubted she would have had the courage.

"Yeah?" She said, looking at Marly.

"Yeah. He was on our high school swim team, but then this guy outed him to the en tire school and they kicked him off it, broke his heart too." Marly explained, looking at hir blonde friend swim sadly.

"What? Can they do that?" Roxas asked, astounded. That was so unfair, surely that wasn't legal, it certainly wasn't morally right.

Marluxia let out a harsh laugh. "You're still learning aren't you? They can do whatever they want. Who's going to stop them? Us? We'd get suspended. Our parents? Ha, yeah, right." The bitterness in hir voice scared her. She couldn't deny that what ze had said was true. There was too much truth that rang through hir voice to even think it.

"I'm going to go get a drink." Marluxia said after a few moments of silence. Ze got up, leaving Roxas alone with her thoughts.

"Hey." Axel said, walking over to where Roxas was. "You seem down, are you okay?"

The concern in her voice was touching. It made Roxas feel even worse. How could anyone hate them? The people she had met recently, like Axel and Demyx. Even Marluxia, although she had just met her, had hir charm. Although it was clear ze didn't like new people. No that wasn't quite right, ze was afraid of new people.

"Yeah, I'm ok." She lied, looking out at the ocean stretching before them. It was vast and unchanging. Although on the surface it changed with ever second. It seemed to stretch on forever.

"No, you're not. What's up?" Axel asked, pushing slightly.

Roxas sighed. "Mar told me what happened to Demyx, about his swim team kicking him off? It just doesn't seem right." She looked down, not wanting to show how deeply this upset her.

"No, it's not right. But what can you do? It's the way the world is Rox, there's nothing you can do except learn to live with it." She said, looking out to sea. The pain in her voice was evident. "It may not seem like it, but we're the lucky ones. Dem, Zex, me, Marly, we're all incredibly lucky."

"How can you say that?" Roxas demanded, looking at the other girl full on. "How when there is so much pain that's followed each of you? How is that lucky? How is that fair?" She could feel the tears pricking just behind her eyes, but she fought them.

"Because we are. We survived." Axel answered simply. "The government might not like us, or even protect us the way it should, but it could be a lot worse. At least here it isn't illegal. At least here we don't have to worry about jail time, or worse, death. In some parts of the world, a 'homosexual act' it punishable with the death penalty. We may have gone through stuff, but it's nothing to what we could have had to go through." She sighed. She hadn't wanted to tell the other girl all of this, but it had somehow come out. That was the affect the other girl had on her, she told her everything.

--

The door creaked as Roxas and Axel walked back into their apartment. "Well that was fun. I really like Marly, ze's cool." Roxas said with a smile. Axel grinned at how well the younger girl had gotten used to using gender neutral pronouns. It usually took people more time.

"Yeah, oh hey, we're out of coffee, shit." Axel said, looking in the bin they had designated to coffee.

"Oh, crap! And I have to stay up late studying! How the hell am I going to survive the morning without coffee?" She demanded, panic clear in her voice.

"Hey, chill. I'll just make a coffee run. I'll be back in a bit." Axel said, grabbing her messenger bag. It was her favorite, for her birthday Demyx had sewn on rainbow pride patches. He had even switched the strap for a rainbow strap. It was what the group had proclaimed the 'that's so gay' bag, which had caused them all to laugh heartlessly.

"K, bye." Roxas called, grabbing her laptop and flopping out on her bed to work. She flipped on her iPod and completely tuned out the world.

Two hours later, she heard the door open. She had been worried, terribly so, how long could it possibly take to get coffee? So when she heard that, she rushed out to the living room, prepared to yell at her roommate. What she saw made her stop in her tracks.

Axel. Blood poured down her chin, her lip was split in three different places. There was a gash above her left eye, which was slowly swelling shut, and her nose looked broken.

"Oh my god! What happened?" Roxas flew over to her, wrapping her arms around the older girl. She helped her to the couch, completely aware of the other girl's ever wince. She was limping badly, heavily favoring her right leg.

"Call Demyx." She instructed wincing as the words split one of the cuts on her lip, making it bleed again. Roxas grabbed the phone the number was punched in before she had so much as thought it.

"Dem? Get here. Now. Axel's hurt." Roxas was frantic. She hung up the phone without waiting for an answer. She grabbed all the ice packs they had, and the frozen peas, wrapped them in napkins and handed them to the redhead. "Here, put one of those on that eye. Put the other two where you think the swelling is going to be the worst. I'll set the timer for twenty minutes. When it goes off, take the ice packs off."

Roxas dashed to the bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit she had. She knew enough to know she had to clean out the cuts and bandage what she could. "We have to call the police." She said, looking at Axel desperately. She was terrified for her friend.

Axel laughed. "Who do you think did this?" She managed to say.

Roxas stared at her in shock, unable to move. The door bell rang. "I locked the door, you have to let Demyx in." Axel rasped out, wincing as speaking once again caused some of her wounds to move.

Roxas unlocked the door, and pulled Demyx inside. He had his own first aid kit. He took one look at Axel and declared they had to get her to a hospital.

"No. No hospitals." Axel said, looking straight at Demyx. "Just bandage me up the best you can." She said. "Nothing's broken."

Demyx sighed, but did as he was asked. Half an hour later, Axle was asleep in her bed, bandaged and safe. "What happened?" Demyx asked softly.

"I don't know." Roxas said, looking at the door to Axel's room worriedly. "She just came back like that. Are you sure she'll be okay? Shouldn't we take to a hospital?"

"You heard her, she doesn't want to go. We can't make her." Demyx said, staring sadly at the same door Roxas was.

"She said, earlier today, that she was lucky . . ." Tears threatened to break through Roxas' self control again, but a new thought occurred to her then, shocking her away from tears.

"This has happened before, hasn't it?" She demanded, looking Demyx straight in the eyes.

"Yes. Yes it has." Demyx looked down, unable to meet Roxas' eyes. "There's a reason that we don't go out after dark alone. Even to the safer places. We always go in a group." He took a breath. "There are certain rules you learn, or if you don't, you get hurt, then learn them. After dark, go out in a group only. Don't go to certain places in the city. Unless you have a roommate, don't bring someone home. There just things you learn." Dem said, still not meeting her eyes. "I don't know why Axel was out alone so late."

"Coffee, she went out to get coffee for tomorrow morning. I-We found out we didn't have any coffee left, and I-I was going to stay out late, and flipped out that we wouldn't have any coffee in the morning. She-she went out to get coffee for me." Roxas said, turning away. It was her fault. This was her fault. Axel was hurt because of her. "She had the bag, I didn't think, I didn't know."

"It's not your fault. It's one of the first things the teach you. No matter what happens, it's not your fault. Axel should have known better. Especially after Becka." Demyx said, sighing.

"What happened to Becka?" Roxas asked, staring at the floor.

"Becka was a member of the LGBT, which stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender, group on campus. Anyway, three weeks ago, she went out alone one night, and was attacked. Worse than Axel. They broke three of her ribs. She's still on a coma. Stacy is devastated. She's Becka's partner." Demyx explained, sighing and leaning back. "Axel should have known better."

This was all new to Roxas. She knew things like this happened, but here? In her town? To people who went to her college? She thought she remembered something about a Becka in the newspaper a while back. Had she been attacked because she was gay? She couldn't remember if the newspaper had said that or not. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. It made no sense. How could people do this to each other?

"Hey, I'm going to go to sleep, do you want to stay here for the night?" Roxas asked, yawning and standing up. It was late. She had already decided she wasn't going to class tomorrow.

"No, Zexion's worried. Call me if you need anything." He said, also getting up and walking to the door. "And Roxas, she'll be okay. She's had worse."

"Somehow, that isn't comforting." Roxas muttered, walking into her room and falling into bed. But she couldn't sleep. When she finally did manage to get to sleep, it was hours later, and she was on the couch, closer to Axel's door in case the other girl needed her.

* * *

**Ending Notes:** Hey all. I know this chapter is sad, but yes, that happens. Its called 'gay bashing' and it used to go on alot more then it does now. Its when someone goes out to find someone who is gay and then beat them up. Yay, fun times. Police used to do it alot, you know, rewind after work, beat some kid to within an inch of their life. Ok, I'm pissing myself off.

Ok, so in other news: **CONTEST!!!!** So I have a contest: Draw a picture of Axel and Roxas how you see them in that story! I know, but please? I really want a picture of them as girls, and I CANNOT draw. So besides me owing you FOREVER your reward will be a character write in! I know, lame and whatnot, but its all I can think of. I can't promise anything big, but there are opporunities coming up. So please send me your entrys, and do an entrys, even if you don't think you're good, you are MUCH better than me. I fail at art. So PLEASE!!! Ok, thanks. I look forward to seeing what you come up with.

Oh, and I'm looking for an editor, so if you're intereseted, let me know!


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Thanks to all those who reviewed, I love you forever! I went out of town this weekend, thats why this one is a little late. I like this chapter though. Its good. Anyway, something I forgot to put in last chapter: Ze and Hir are the official gender neutral pronouns. Gender non-conforming and genderqueer are the official terms as well. All the things I put in here have a basis in reality. More so in some cases. I finally put Marluxia in because, well, I love him! So heres your next chapter!!

* * *

"Roxas! Please stop looking at me like that. It's been three weeks, and I want to go out! Come on, please? I want to go dancing!" Axel said, half pleading, and swaying her hips slightly, feigning dancing as she finished her sentence.

"Fine! God, you sound like I chained you to the bed or something!" Roxas exclaimed. She laughed a little to herself, but then sighed. She had been a little over protective of her roommate in the last weeks. She looked down. Thinking back to the night Axel had come stumbling back from the grocery store, beaten into a bloody pulp.

Axel grinned. "Ok, go change. I'm assuming you want to come, and you totally don't get to go looking like that."

"Oh, gee, thanks." She retorted, walking to her room to change. She grabbed clothes and quickly changed.

Axel turned as she heard the door open from Roxas' room. "Ok, let's get going." The redhead said, trying not to stare at the younger girl. They had been clubbing many times, and yet, every time Roxas threw on a new outfit it took her breath away.

Together, they ran to the car. "So, where are we going to go?" Roxas asked, hopping into the driver's seat.

"Um, how about The Comet?" Axel suggested.

"Ok, sounds good." The Comet was a dance club that they liked, but they hadn't gone there for a while. "It'll be nice to see what's new there." Roxas said with a smile.

Axel rolled her eyes. "You're such a faker. You aren't really interested in going tonight, are you?"

Roxas sighed. "No, I'm not." She bit her lip. "But you said you really wanted to go . . ."

"Turn the car around." She said calmly.

"What? No! You want to go clubbing!"

"Yeah, but Roxas, you don't want to. I don't want to just go, come on, and let's go see a movie." The redhead suggested. "I want to do something you want to do."

Roxas rolled her eyes. "Fine, what do you want to do?"

"Hey! That's not fair. Come on, what do you want to do?" Axel asked, glaring jokingly at the blonde.

Roxas thought for a moment. "Um, how about we just hit the diner?" She suggested.

"Ok." Axel said, swinging the car around and heading to the diner they sometimes went to. "They have really great pie."

"I don't like pie." Roxas said, looking out the window casually.

"What? You . . . don't like . . . pie?!" Axel demanded. "Is that even possible? How can someone not like pie?"

Roxas shrugged. "I don't know, I just don't like it." Axel stared at her like she was crazy, how could someone not like pie? It was essential. Everyone liked pie.

"No, you have to try it at this place, it's the best place in town!"

"Yeah, but I don't like pie." She said, frowning slightly.

Axel was about to retort, but they pulled up to the curb, and as they walked into the diner and were taken in by the smell of fresh food being prepared, and all other thoughts were swept away.

"Hiya hun! Welcome to Sadie's diner! Come this way pleas- Roxas?" The waitress peered at Roxas carefully, studying her face. "God, I haven't seen you in forever!" She hugged her and put the menus down.

"Tessa? God, I haven't seen you in forever. When did you move here?" The blonde asked, returning the hug whole heartedly. Pulling back she looked at Axel, who stood there silently, looking confused and a little hurt.

"Oh, sorry, Tessa, this is Axel, Axel, Tessa." She explained, introducing the two of them.

"Oh, I just moved here two weeks ago. There's a back up with the paper work, so until they fully transfer me to this branch, I'm working here part time." Tessa explained.

"Wow, so are you here permanently? Or is this temporary?" Roxas asked. "Oh, and can you join us for lunch?"

Axel frowned, but said nothing, just followed the other two over to the booth. "Um, yeah, I guess I can." Tessa pitched her voice and called out to one of the other waitresses. "Hey, Veronica, can you cover for me?" The other waitress nodded, and Tessa sat down with them.

"So Tessa, how have you been? I haven't seen you in forever!" Roxas asked, sitting between Axel and Tessa, smiling brilliantly at the girl from her past.

"God, it's so great to see you, sweetie! There is so much I want to tell you! Do you remember Miranda?" Tessa asked, her eyes gleaming.

"That sweet little girl? God, I haven't seen her since she was four! How's she doing?" Roxas asked, smiling as she remembered the sweet little girl she had met a few years ago.

"I adopted her."

"What? Really? Oh my god Tessa! I'm so happy for you. She's so lucky to have you!" Roxas threw her arms around the older woman, embracing her tightly.

"Thanks! It's been really great so far. Miranda is so great. I never thought I'd have a family of my own so soon, but you should have seen her, they were going to switch her again, I couldn't let that happen. She just looked up at me, and I couldn't turn my back on her." Tessa said.

"That's so sweet!" Roxas said, hugging her again.

"So how do you to know each other?" Axel asked, she hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh, but she was a little bit aggravated.

"Oh, well see, I work with the-"

"Um, Tessa used to um, work with me, when I was a kid." Roxas interrupted quickly.

"Oh, I see." Axel said, not at all convinced.

"So how do you know Roxas?" Tessa asked with a warm smile.

"Oh, Axel and I are roommates." Roxas explained, not giving Axel a chance to talk.

"Oh, I would have thought you'd relish the chance to finally live alone." Tessa said with a smile.

"Yeah, well Axel and I make it work. I still can't believe you're here!" She said, the smile just wouldn't come off her face. The two talked for hours until finally Axel reminded Roxas that they should be going.

"Well, it was nice to meet you." Axel said politely, before practically dragging her roommate out of the diner.

"Hey, what's up with you? Are you alright?" Roxas demanded on the ride back to the apartment.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Axel hissed, glowering on the other side of the car. Roxas could practically see the rain cloud hovering above her head.

"No, what's wrong?" Roxas demanded.

"Nothing, maybe I just don't like being side lined by some chick I've never met before and spend a good two hours while you two play 'remember'." Axel snapped, anger finally getting the better of her.

"What? That's so not what happened! And what about all those nights we'd go clubbing and you'd just pick up some chick? How was I supposed to feel then?"

"What? Yeah, you sacrificed so much! You wanted to come with me! And you always had the keys so you could leave if you wanted! This is so not about that! Just drop it." Axel said, fuming. "I just want to know how many more girls from your past are going to drop in unannounced."

"Shut up! God! You know nothing! You've known me for like what? Three minutes, and you already think you know everything! God Axel, I can't believe you!" Roxas pulled up to the curb, unlocking the doors and refusing to look at the redhead. "Get out." She said harshly.

"Roxas?" Axel demanded.

"Get out of the car Axel."

"What? You want me to walk?" She asked.

"It's only two blocks." Roxas said, still not looking at her.

"No."

"Get out of the fucking car!" Roxas finally turned to face her. She sighed, and put her head in her hands. She turned away once more. "Please Axel, just leave."

Axel silently opened the car door and got out, watching as Roxas drove off. "Shit." She whispered, throwing her head back and sighing. How had she screwed everything up so completely?

--

"Dem? I think I really screwed up." Axel had walked back, and immediately called Demyx.

Demyx sighed. "What'd you do now, Axel?" He asked, sighing and sitting down with a cup of tea on the other side of the line.

Axel sighed. "I don't know! I mean, I was sort of a jackass, and I think I hit a nerve, and now she's pissed, and I don't know where she is!" She sighed, exasperated.

"Um, Axel? What did you do?" Demyx ask again.

"Well, we went to the diner, and he met up with someone she knew, back from when she was a kid or something, and they talked for like two hours while I was just sitting there. It was rude! I got mad, and she pushed! I mean, come on, if someone's mad, you don't push them on it!"

"Unless you care about them." Demyx interjected.

"What? God, you're right, damn it!" Axel sighed frustrated.

"Yeah, relax. Besides, you should know better! Did you really go for something with her past? Come on Axel, even you aren't that stupid!" Demyx sighed. There was silence on the other end of the line. "God, I can't believe you!"

"What?" Axel demanded, not understanding at all.

"Ugh! She clearly has issues with her past, abandonment and definitely a high need of family feelings!" Demyx sighed. "Sometimes Axel, I can't believe you!"

"How was I supposed to know that?" Axel demanded.

"Um, you live with her? Come on, I don't see her nearly as much as you do, and yet, somehow I knew that, what does that say about you?" Demyx asked.

"Gar! That I'm an idiot, and a jackass, and that I'm just completely a horrible person." Axel sighed. "How is it that you understand everything, and I'm so completely clueless?"

"Axel, shut up and go get the girl." Demyx said, laughing and hanging up.

Axel sighed. How was it that Demyx always knew when she was procrastinating? She sighed again. There really was no point in prolonging the inevitable.

Axel grabbed her cell phone and dialed Roxas' number. The blonde picked up on the fifth ring. She knew she had picked up, but there was silence on the other end of the line.

"Yes?" Roxas spoke softly, as if every word she spoke she had thought over three times first.

"Roxas? Roxas I'm so sorry! Where are you? I'll come get you." Axel asked, she was already pacing.

"No, I'm okay. I'm coming home, okay?" Roxas asked, she sounded tired, tired and stressed.

"Are you sure? I can come pick you up."

"No, good bye Axel, I'm on my way." Roxas disconnected the phone.

Roxas walked in half an hour later. Axel jumped up, running over to her and throwing her arms around the smaller girl. She held her tightly, running her fingers through the other girl's hair. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay." Roxas said returning the hug. She clung to the redhead's chest, holding onto her for dear life. Axel walked them over to the couch, sitting down without letting go of the younger girl. It was then that she noticed that there were tears on Roxas' face.

"Sh, sh, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay." Axel soothed, pulling Roxas onto her lap, she held her tightly, trying to hold herself together. It hurt her to see the blonde like this, sobbing, hurt.

"What happened? Roxas, are you okay?" She asked, begging the other girl to talk to her, tell her she was okay, tell her she wasn't okay, tell her something, anything.

"I-I'll be okay." Roxas got out before her body was wracked with another round of sobs. She clutched at Axel, holding onto the only thing that felt solid right now.

"Ok. That's all I need to know." She held her closer, whispering soothing words in her ear. She didn't even know half of what she said.

"Can-can I . . ." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I want to talk to you." She said, looking up and meeting the older girl's eyes.

Axel stared deep into those amazingly blue eyes, tears still held within them. Somehow, the tears didn't make her less beautiful. Her nose was red and puffy, and her eyes were red as well, but to Axel, nothing had ever been as beautiful. She nodded.

Roxas gulped, then started talking. "I was four when my mom disappeared. Sora was eight I think." She took a shuddering breath, none of this was easy for her, but as she continued to talk, it seemed to become easier, she stopped less, and her voice didn't crack as much. But the tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"I don't know what happened, just one day she didn't come home. Sora stayed with me for three weeks. We lived at home, in the apartment. He could make cereal, so that's what we had. Cereal and bread and water. The milk went bad really quickly, and after the first two weeks the electricity shut off. I think the neighbors finally realized we were living there and called the cops. I'm not really sure, but the next thing I know, Sora's running through the house, telling me to grab what I could because people were coming to lock us away." Axel held her tighter, tears now silently running down both their faces.

"I ran, but I was only four, I couldn't get away. There was no way I could keep up." She looked up at Axel, begging for forgiveness, she felt so much guilt. Why hadn't she just been able to keep up? It was her fault all this had happened. "I thought, maybe, if I had been better, if I had been a good girl mom wouldn't have left. Sora used to tell me that's not true, used to say that she loved us and wouldn't have left if she'd had a choice. I cried at night, after she left. He took care of me. Always has." She stopped for a moment, lost in the memories.

"But then they came. I tried to run, I really did." She was talking faster now, trying desperately to make Axel understand, she had run as hard as she could. "But I had such short legs. I couldn't run as fast as Sora. And then I fell. Sora, he stopped, he came back for me, but he knew he wouldn't make it if we stayed together. He told me he'd find me. That he'd get me out, but that I had to be a brave girl, and go with them. He said he had to get away so that he could come rescue me. So he went." Roxas wound her hand through Axel's interlocking their fingers.

"We don't have to talk about this now, if you don't want to." Axel said, pulling the smaller blonde closer. Roxas smiled weakly.

"No, I'm okay, really." She said, turning to look at the redhead. She smiled softly, but it didn't fool Axel.

"No, I think that's good for now. I think it's time for some hot chocolate. How about I run you a bath? We can talk about this later." Axel dragged them both up, pulling the blonde to the kitchen. "Look, just let me take care of you, okay? Do we have a deal?"

Roxas smiled and nodded, allowing Axel to pull her up and gently lift her up onto the counter. She sat on the counter, smiling slightly and watching as Axel went about the kitchen, grabbing a mug and hot chocolate mix. She put some water on to boil, and then went to the bathroom to put the water on for a bath. She dropped some aromatherapy beads into the water and left. She went back to the kitchen, grabbing the pot off the stove and pouring it into the mug she had ready.

"This will be hot, so let it sit for a moment." She grabbed the milk and a spoon, mixing the chocolate into the hot water. She went poured in some milk, then went back to the fridge. She added a little bit of half and half, then some cinnamon and nutmeg. She grabbed the whipped cream and topped the drink with it. She slid it over to her, and smiled as she took a sip.

"Your bath should be ready soon." Axel said, walking to the bathroom and fixing the bath. Roxas followed her quietly, leaning against the sink drinking her hot chocolate while the redhead messed with the bath.

"Hey, thank you." Axel said sitting on the rim of the bathtub.

"For what?"

"Sharing that with me. I know it's not easy." Axel said, dipping her hand into the water behind her. Roxas got up and walked over to join Axel on the rim of the bathtub.

"I know I can trust you." She said, looking straight into those incredibly green eyes.

"I want to know you." This was uncharted territory. Axel wasn't used to sharing things with people. She usually didn't open up to people, she never said exactly what she was thinking to someone, not so out right. She talked to Demyx, but that was the exception, and even then she wasn't this open, but staring into those blue, blue eyes, she felt completely naked. She felt like the other girl could see right through her.

Roxas nodded. "I love you."

Axel looked away. "You-are you ready?" Those words meant so much more than just what they seemed to say. It meant so much more than anything else, if she was ready to face it, if she was ready to deal with it, if she was ready to except what all of it meant.

Roxas took a stuttering breath, and looked at Axel. "Yes."

Axel reached out, touching her cheek. "I love you." She pulled her forward, pressing their lips together gently. Her heart rate went up as their bodies collided. Roxas pulled Axel towards her, crashing their lips together. It was like someone had lit them on fire. Everything was moving, colliding, coming together. They were pulling at each other, desperate for more, more friction, more skin against each other.

And then they slipped. Together they fell back into the tub of water, splashing everything. Axel burst out laughing. Roxas sat stunned for a few seconds, then joined in. "I can't believe we just did that."

"Well, there went your bath." The redhead said, smiling. She reached over and tenderly kissed Roxas on the forehead, pulling her into a hug one more time.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**Ending Notes: **Ok, so the contest is still going on, and I'm really hoping for some more entries! Also, I'm still looking for a beta reader/editor. So if your interested, let me know. So you got a little hinting of Roxas' past. Yes, its sad, yes, it sucks, but they're also together now! Yay! Oh, and you get some happier times coming soon. I mean, I have to finish telling you what happened to Roxas, and then you get good fluff like chapters. After all this angst, I think perhaps you deserve it. As well as I do. I need some nice fluffy times to write. I mean, if any of you have read my other fic, then you know I also write alot of things that make me sad, so I'm looking forward to writing some happy stuff. Yay!!! I liked the whole 'falling into the tub' thing. It makes me smile. Lolz, so let me know what you think, please. And also enter my contest please! Ok, thanks! Love you all.

Z


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Hey guys!! Sorry its been so long, you know how it is. Hard.But in about two weeks, I'm done!! School is kicking my ass, but soon I'll be out and then I can post more often. So I would like to dedicate this chapter to someone. But I'm not telling who to until the end of this. So go ahead and read, you deserve it! Ok, see you on the other side. Oh, and this is a super long one, well, not really really long, but longer than most of the others.

* * *

"Hey Roxas?" Axel called as she walked through the apartment they officially shared now. She had been paying her share of the rent for a few weeks now, and freely scattered her stuff about. "Have you seen my leather hair tie?" She yelled, still looking through the apartment for the accessory in question.

"Did you check the hall closet with your performance gear?" The blonde called back, not looking up from her laptop as her fingers sped across the keys.

"Why would it be there?" Axel demanded, stopping before turning back to look in the closet where Roxas had suggested it would be.

After not hearing from the redhead for a few second, Roxas raised her eyebrows. "Did you find it?"

Silence. "Yes." Axel said, walking into the living room. Roxas smirked.

"So where are you going tonight?" She asked, stopping her typing and looking up, cracking her fingers as she did so.

"Well, the troop has a gig tonight, and they really need me to be there." Axel said, looking a little guilty. "I know I promised we would have some time together, but Dem called me, and I know I've skipped out on the last few performances, and I really can't let them down again."

Roxas smiled. "That's ok. I'll just come to your performance." She suggested with a smile, which was returned with a grin from Axel. "Forget to invite me again?"

"Yeah." Axel said, smile still gracing her lips. In truth, it just hadn't occurred to her. She never invited people she was romantically involved with to her performances. They were too personal. It was too much her to let another person see it, but Roxas was different. She was Roxas. She kneeled down by the blonde. "Roxas, would you like to come see the troop perform?" She asked, her eyes never leaving the younger's.

"Why yes, I would." Roxas said, a playful twinkle in her eye. "Now, why don't you remind me exactly what it is that your group does?" She asked.

Axel laughed. "I never did tell you, did I? We spin fire." She said, smiling and getting up. She walked back to the closet where she had found the strip of leather that now held her hair up in a tumble on the top of her head. She grabbed the box that was always there out and carried it to the door. "I have to get changed, then we need to go."

Roxas was watching her every movement, her questioning look not once being noticed by the redhead. _What the hell is 'fire spinning'?_ She thought furiously. Was Axel going to explain it any more than that? Apparently not. "Ok." Roxas said, a little sharply. She didn't like things being kept from her. She got up and went into her room, stripping out of her lounge clothes and grabbed the outfit she had put aside for this moment, when Axel finally invited her to a performance. She turned to the mirror, looking over herself. It would fit in perfectly, the natural fabric, cut into a lazy vest. She wore that over a standard tank top, with a sash over the flowing pants she had picked out. She left her hair flowing to her shoulders. She smiled and walked out, grabbing the box Axel had brought out, and unlocked the door. "Axel, I'm going to wait in the car." She called, walking out of the apartment, box tucked under her arm. She threw it into the back seat, and lounged out in the passenger seat.

Axel joined her a few minutes later, taking in her outfit appreciatively. She slipped into the driver's seat, twisting around to grab something out of the box in the back. "Thanks." She said, pulling out the pouch of makeup she had been reaching for. She put it in the glove compartment, leaning over Roxas to reach it. She caught the younger girl's face in her hands as she pulled back. "We didn't really have a chance to talk that much this morning." She said, leaning closer. She thought back to the night before, and the searing kiss that had ended with them both soaking wet. They hadn't been able to really talk about it yet, just gone to bed, promising the next day would be for them, but here they were, leaving, going to a performance for the troop. "I'm sorry." She whispered, looking into the brilliant blue just as intensely as the night before. She leaned forward slightly, less than a fraction of an inch, but it was enough to bring their lips together softly.

She pulled back quickly, the whole thing had taken less than a few seconds, and she quickly started the car and pulled out. Roxas recovered quickly from the kiss, pulling her mind back from the explosion of half thoughts that had exploded inside her head from the brief contact. "Last night . . ." She started, but stopped as she saw the redhead stiffen slightly.

"It's okay if you aren't ready yet." Axel said softly, sighing. It was the farthest thing from what she wanted, but she knew it took time, and she was already afraid that she had pushed to hard.

"No, Axel." She sighed. She could see this hurt Axel. She could see how the older girl expected her to reject her, push her away. She saw that the older girl had thought the kiss just now, had been to much, thought last night had been a fluke, that she would be freaked, and would never want to speak to her again. Maybe she would kick her out, mirror the rejection her parents had put her through. It brought a strange prick to just behind her eyes to know that the girl she felt so deeply for thought she could push her away just like that. "Last night, it wasn't a mistake." She was whispering now, the moment so fragile, she was half afraid it would all break apart. "I meant everything that happened last night Axel. Everything. I-" She swallowed, then pushed forward. "I love you Axel." She said, looking for some understanding in the taller girl.

Axel pulled over. They were on the freeway by now, but she pulled over, pushing the 'panic' button and looked at Roxas.

"It wasn't something I planned, this is nothing like the plans I had for my life. It's all complicated now. I mean, I've questioned everything these last few days. And I've put you through hell trying to figure this out, but shit. Axel, I love you. I don't know what all it means. I haven't thought it through that far." Roxas said, looking at Axel full on.

Axel thought her heart might have skipped out on her. But there it was, beating much more quickly then it normally did. "Roxas." The word slipped through her lips like a prayer. She gently embraced the younger girl. Her movements were slow, gentle, giving Roxas plenty of chances to pull away. She caressed her cheek. "I have always loved you." She whispered. She kissed her forehead so softly that Roxas wasn't even sure it had really happening. But then she exhaled, and the warmth that traveled to every inch of her being pushed any doubts away. And then their lips were connected, moving together in perfect time. It was like their lips had been made for each other, made to fit together in just this way. It was like nothing either of them had experienced. Something completely new. It was slow and gentle, they could feel every part of themselves being one with every part of the other. They pushed up against each other until there was no longer any separation between the two. They were one. One person, one heart, one being.

"Roxas." Axel mouthed the word, letting it slip out of her mouth as she pulled back. They stared at each other for a moment, caught in something more than themselves. Roxas didn't know exactly what it was, just that it was so perfect. That moment, just after they had collided, joined and become one was so different and more wonderful than anything she had felt before. It was as if there had never been a moment for the two before this one. Like having your eyes closed for all eternity, and then, to open them to see for the first time the truth of everything. There was no more thought other than this moment. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. It was just them, together, with each other, for each other.

Finally, they pulled apart. Together, as if they had both been waiting for the very same moment, they pulled away. "We need to get going." Axel said, she was breathless, not from the kiss, but from the intensity of the moment before.

"Yeah." Roxas agreed, leaning back in her chair, still trying to wrap her head around what had just happened. She reached forward, turning on the radio, and tuning to a station they both liked. Moments later they were both singing along to the song blasting from the speakers.

* * *

"Axel!! You came!!" Demyx threw himself at the redhead as soon as the car door opened. They were out in the middle of nowhere. There were tents set up all over, and people who varied from looking a little tipsy to very stoned were walking around, some dancing to music from the stage they could see a little ways off. It looked like they had driven all the way out to an abandoned field. "Yes Dem, I told you I wouldn't miss another performance." Axel explained.

"Well, yeah, but . . . The rest of the troop will be really excited!" Demyx exclaimed, changing the subject in a rather obvious way. Roxas smiled, mildly amused.

"Hey, I have to go help set up, go have fun, okay sweetie?" Axel asked, wrapping her arm around Roxas' waist and handing her a beer with the other arm. "Or you can chill with the rest of us while we set up." She said, bending down to kiss her on the cheek before releasing her and following Demyx away from the car. Roxas looked around, noting where food was being sold, the drum circle playing a little ways away from the rest of the festival, the main stage, and where it looked like the troop was setting up.

Roxas was about to pop open the beer when a dark red haired girl caught her eye. "Kairi?" She exclaimed, walking over to the girl and extending her hand. "Roxas. We met behind a club."

Recognition dawned across the girl's face, and she smiled. "Yeah, you were pissed at your roommate, right? How'd that all work out?" She asked, smiling and turning to the blonde.

"Ok, she said she was sorry, and then I left her asleep in a field on the out skirts of town, so I would guess we're even." Kairi laughed.

"That would do it. So how are you?" She asked, they quickly were laughing and talking, completely wrapped up in their conversation within minutes. "So what brings you to the festival of lights?" She asked some time later.

"Is that what this is? Axel, my roommate is part of a fire spinning troop that is performing." Roxas explained, feeling slightly weird about saying roommate. It wasn't a lie, but it still made her feel like she was lying. "So this is 'the festival of lights'?" She asked, catching the name, and wondering if she should have heard it before.

"Yeah, it's a big deal for us 'hippies'." Kairi said, smiling at some private joke. "Every year its held in a different place, people are invited, or are told where it will be held, where and when I should say, seeing as its never held on the same day twice. It's a big social thing, there is really good free food, mostly vegan or vegetarian, a drum circle, performers and booths. The big dome one is for meditations. And then there are the people who are just around. Music, laughter and meditation, it's fun. Just being told where it is, that's a big deal." Kairi explained. "The cops try to stop it every year. There's a big bonfire at the end. Not to mention all the fire spinning troops try to get invites. Almost everyone who comes could at one point do something performing arts related."

"Wow, that's really cool. Axel never told me any of that. Just that her troop had a performance and she couldn't skip out on it." Roxas said, she was so impressed. This was a big honor for the group, and Axel.

"Oh, so that's why I've been hearing your name for months. You're with Axel." Kairi said, nodding to herself like some big mystery had suddenly been revealed.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Oh, just that if you're here with Axel, then it makes sense that people are talking about you. Axel hasn't brought someone to a performance in ages. Of course she hasn't missed one in forever either." Kairi thought aloud.

"You're in Axel's troop?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah, you're looking at the leading Staffer in the group." She said proudly. "I lead the people who spin with staffs, like the one over there, you light the ends on fire and, well, you'll see the rest." She said. "But I have to go set up." She said, slipping away, over to where it looked like seven people were pouring something into a bucket.

"It's the lighter fluid we use." Zexion had appeared next to Roxas, watching what she was watching.

"What?" Roxas asked.

"We have to dip the ends in something for fuel, so that they don't go out." Roxas turned to look at him. He was holding what looked like two thirds of a metal spider web. Each had four spokes, held together with metal bars that braced against one another. The four spokes met in a point that Zexion held in his hand. She could clearly see that the two fan like contraptions each went to a different hand when they were actually going.

"What are those?" She asked, looking at the pair of things he held.

"Um, there's a hard to pronounce name for them, but we call the fans for short. See where they end in glove like things here? You slip your hand in, tighten this, and then you're good to go. It takes time to learn the right way to use them, but these are some of the safer easier things to use." Zexion explained, they began walking towards where the others were, it was clear that everyone was doing what they needed to in order to get ready to perform.

"What do you do?" Roxas asked, eyeing the fans.

"Oh, I don't perform. Not right now anyway. I used to do poi, what Axel does, and some hoop, but I mainly did staff and whip." He told her, as if that was supposed to make any sense. He looked at her, it was uncommon for him to talk at all, and she felt stupid asking him what he meant after he had already been so helpful, so she just nodded and went to look around a little more. She saw Zexion hand the fans to Demyx before she looked away.

She wandered around the festival for a bit, it was just about five, and it wouldn't be dark for a few more hours. "Hey." Axel caught her around the waist and hugged her. "I've missed you today. How are you?" She asked kindly.

"Pretty good, a little tired and hungry." Roxas said, turning around to return the embrace.

"Then let's get some food." Axel said, taking her hand and pulling her through the crowds of people to the food booth. They got their food, or rather, Roxas got her burrito, and Axel got her huge plate of fries, and they sat down in the shade of a tree a little away from everything else.

"Shouldn't you eat like, not carbs fried in fat?" Roxas asked, watching Axel eat a fry coated in ketchup. Axel raised an eyebrow.

"I always eat like this at the festival, its tradition." She said, popping another fry into her mouth. "Besides, you can only get these once a year, and these are absolutely, without any competition, the best fries in the world." Roxas laughed.

"Ok, ok, well now I have to steal some, don't I?" She demanded, making a grab for a few. She got three, and popped them into her mouth, savoring eat bite. "My god, those are good." She said, looking up to meet Axel's astounded gaze.

"Y-you stole m-my f-fries!!" Axel let out a plaintive cry, and looked at the blonde with such a look of desolation on her face, that one would think Roxas had just shot her puppy. Roxas burst out laughing.

"That's not very nice." Axel pouted.

"I- sorry." She managed to make out between desperate breaths.

"No you aren't but you will be!" Axel declared, carefully picking up the plates and putting them to the side. She leapt at Roxas, pinning her to the ground and began to ruthlessly tickle her.

Amidst giggles, and tears of laughter, Roxas finally managed to turn the tables and roll away from the redhead. "Hey, no fair!" She cried, still trying to get her breath back. She hopped up and dashed away, but Axel was hot on her heals. They dashed through half the field, laughing the whole way, until finally, Roxas pounced on Axel after tricking her into thinking she was hiding behind a tree. She wrestled her down, and promptly sat on her. "Are you ready to admit that I win?"

"Never!" Axel spat courageously, but she was a little nervous about the glint in the younger's eye.

"Well that's too bad, isn't it?" She asked, no looking sorry at all. She pushed the red hair out of the way, and kissed Axel. It wasn't deep, just teasing, but it was enough to stop the redhead in her tracks. She pulled back, and teasingly winked at her. "How about now?" She asked.

Axel didn't respond, she just reached up, and kissed the blonde more deeply. She easily flipped their positions, leaning down to brush their lips against each other. "What about now? Are you going to give in?" Axel asked.

"Shut up." Roxas hissed, leaning up and capturing Axel's lips in another searing kiss.

"Um, guys?" Axel and Roxas jerked apart and looked up. Demyx looked down at them, looking slightly awkward but more amused. "We have to perform pretty soon, and if you keep it up like this, well, the rest of the troop is going to get pissed." He said.

"Yeah, um, mind getting off me Axel?" Roxas asked, smiling at Axel with a smirk.

Axel grinned, and easily hopped up, pulling Roxas up as well. "Why don't you go grab a seat by Zexion? I think he saved you a spot." She suggested, leaning down, and unabashedly kissing her. She blushed and walked over to where Zexion was sitting. He nodded a greeting to the blonde, and pushed play on his iPod.

Roxas sat there a moment, wondering when it had gotten this dark, she figured it must have been when she and Axel were playing, but she didn't think it had been that much time. Then again, time flies when you're having fun as they say.

But then they started, and all thoughts not taken up by the performance were instantly purged from her mind.

Three people took the stage that was really just a bare patch of earth. They stood perfectly still for a second, then a fourth person come onto the stage. She held what looked like a floating fire ball beneath her hand, it moved with her, when she moved her hand, it swayed. She danced across the stage, each movement graceful and perfect. She flowed across the stage, going to each of the three in turn, lighting the things each of the held. One by one they were illuminated by the objects they held. Demyx, with the fans Roxas had seen earlier, Kairi with a long thin piece of metal, each end lit up as the figure danced across the stage to her. She touched the lit fireball hanging from her hand to each end of the staff, and stepped back as Kairi twirled the object skillfully, twirling it faster until all that was seen was her at the center of a swirling ring of fire.

Roxas' eyes turned back to Demyx, she had watched, enthralled as he had gracefully flowed down and drifted all eight of the spokes through the flame, each one lighting as it touched the flame. He had twirled around as the figure had moved on to Kairi. He had danced, like the music was flowing through him, out through his hands and into the flames. He was amazing. He was now moving towards Kairi, who twirled her staff above her head. Demyx swooped towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist, spinning around and then pulling away, bringing his arms back up, and fanning the flames around his face. The movement had made a belt of flame surround her hips, before Demyx had spun away from her.

The figure had moved on, lighting the final person on stage's equipment. The final person on stage held what looked like a hula hoop, but with spikes coming up from it ever twelve inches or so. The final person, a girl with mid length blonde hair, slipped the hoop over her head, and started it swinging. She stood very still, twirling it around and then nodding to the final figure, who held out the ball of fire, easily lighting every single spike on the hoop. The blonde pulled back, still spinning the hula hoop around her waist. She continued on, her feet working twice as hard as the rest of her to get her where she needed to be for the next step. Mean while the figure swung her lit fireball towards her other hand, lighting a matching fireball attached to her other hand. The figure turned away to the audience, quickly spinning the balls around into a perfect circle around each hand. She turned back to the audience, and Roxas gasped as she realized it was Axel.

Roxas gaped as Axel twirled, bringing the two fireballs into dueling circles. One fireball chasing the other. They came together, then sprung apart, dancing symmetrically up and down in half circles, then switching so they were going in opposite directions, in two circles. Axel flipped the two circles to above her head twirling them together.

Roxas soon lost track of the moves each person did after that, her eyes completely lost on the redhead before her. She looked like a goddess, surrounded by fire, but perfectly in control. She was startlingly beautiful, but also dangerous. Sexy, dangerous, vulnerable, beautiful, powerful, special, amazing, she was all these things and more. She was more than human, incredible, Roxas, along with everyone else in the crowd was completely drawn into the redheaded beauty. She was completely amazing. She couldn't help it. She wanted to be a part of this. She wanted to be a part of the dance, she wanted to be part of the circle, she wanted to be part of the figures world.

The song ended, and so did the movements of the dancers. All at once, completely stopped, suddenly, just stopped. Slowly, each of the performers lowered their equipment until it was lifelessly hanging from their hands. Axel closed her eyes, and lowered her head, waiting. The other three bowed their heads, and exited the stage slowly, one by one. Axel was alone on the stage, in the center.

Roxas waited, holding her breath, and then it started. Her head snapped up so fast Roxas missed it completely. The music began flowing again, faster, different and harsher. The movements were different as well, harder, angry instead of serene. Her head snapped to the side, following a movement from her hands from less than a second before, the two moves looking virtually seamless. The two flames were jerked to the left, swinging back to the right, swung back to the left, and then jerked the same way to the right. Her head jerked to the right at the same time.

The dance continued, shifting gracefully from powerfully angry to subtly calm. The power was still there, and then there was another person behind her. Demyx had joined her on stage, still holding lit fans. He swooped behind her, placing his hands on her hips as she spun the fireballs around both of them, perfectly timing things so that she never hit the blonde.

The fans tilted out slightly, so that it wouldn't light Axel on fire. He swayed her hips slowly back and forth, as she continued to swirl the fire balls around both of them. She picked up the pace, and Demyx followed her lead. They spun faster to the tempo, slowly beginning to circle around each other, and Roxas was struck with a strange serge of jealousy. She wanted to be the one with her hands on Axel's hips, be the one who was turning her towards me, spinning her in a circle as she moved her hands out, fanning away from Axel, making her look like an angel.

But Roxas' thoughts were driven from her mind and Axel began twirling faster and faster as Demyx moved off from where she was and going off to the side where another person was waiting to take the fans off his hands. He quickly handed them off after they put out the flames. He danced back from the edge of the stage and came back to where Axel was still spinning.

Demyx took her waist again, and this time, pulled her up off the ground, lifting her into the air, and completing a series of complicated twists and turns, making seamless transitions until she finally did a series of flips to the ground, where she continued to spin the balls, until as she slowly stood up, the balls slowed until they were no longer moving at all.

--

"Oh my god! Axel that was AMAZING!!" Roxas ran up to Axel as the show ended. There had been more than just Axel's act, but Roxas had been practically jumping out of her seat the whole time. She had wanted to congratulate Axel he whole time. Now as she ran up to the redhead who was surrounded by people, she felt a little territorial. She pushed it away, and threw her arms around _her_ redhead. She kissed her cheek, and held onto Axel's neck.

The redhead was smiling so brilliantly that it was almost blinding. "Really? You liked it?" She asked, so excited it was completely spilling over into everything she did.

"Axel! How can you even ask that? Of course I loved it!" Roxas said, it was the most obvious thing in the world to her. How could anyone not? It was amazing. She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed the redhead. "You're amazing." She whispered.

Axel blushed slightly, although she was already flushed from the performance anyway. She wrapped her arms around the younger girl, pulling her into an embrace. "I love you sweetie." She whispered into soft blonde hair. Roxas smiled. She had waited all day to hear those words.

She pulled back slightly, looking into Axel's eyes. "Will you teach me?" She asked, not looking away from the redhead's eyes. She could happily stay like this forever, in Axel's arms. She leaned up for another kiss, not waiting for an answer. She knew she would get the answer she wanted.

* * *

**End Notes: **Ok, so you guys ready to find out who gets the dedication? Well to bad!! Hahaha. First I'm going to tell you what you win. I'm going to give you . . . A oneshot!! You get to decide who, what, where, and the basic premise. Or you can leave it up to me a little more. Ok, now on to who gets the dedication.

Broken Opera Glasses!!! I love ya baby! You've been with me for a long time, and I look forward to your reviews after every single chapter. You keep me going. Thank you. So PM me with your request please. Thanks.

Ok, review please! I want to get 35 please! Ok, thanks. Love you all!

Z


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: **Holy shit!!!!! Its been way to long!! I am SO sorry. I mean, like I think its all great, and its summer so I'll be able to update sooner, and all that. But no. I'm so sorry it has taken me this long. I feel like a jerk. Anyway, I hope this okly long chapter will make up for it! It is 5000+ words . . . I know. I still should have updated sooner. My one shot for BrokenOperaGlasses is up, and I finally finished this! Yay! I am going to a retreat this week, and am SO excited about it! Yay! Anyway, you've waited long enough, lets get on with it.

* * *

Roxas huddled in the dark, feeling the darkness closing in on her. She was curled up in a ball, she could feel it straining her back, and it was aching horribly. "Help. Help me, please." She begged, trying desperately to push away the dark, push up and out of the coffin she was trapped in. The tears had long since stopped flowing. She could hardly breathe, the dark was suffocating her.

'You deserve this.' She thought, telling herself to suck it up. She should have been better, done better. She shuddered. It was so dark. She could feel the metal pressed up against her back. Her breathing was heavy, labored. She was shaking. Normally she wasn't this bad yet. She couldn't remember how long she had been here, or even what she had done this time.

She strained her hearing to try to hear if He was coming back. She couldn't hear anything. The silence was pounding, driving her mad. She couldn't help but tremble, but it really wasn't good. It caused her back to rub against the wall, which made sound. It wasn't very loud, but with all the silence, it was enough to drown out everything else.

She tried to slow her breathing, but the darkness was pushing her breath out of her. She curled in on herself, holding her knees to her chest. She needed to get out, be out, she couldn't do anything, she needed to . . . everything.

"Please. Please let me out. I'll be good. I promise." She called, desperate to be heard, believed. She pushed up against the prison she was incased in, trying desperately to get out. "Please!" She yelled. She was crying again, she hammered against the harsh unforgiving metal, pushing as hard as she could. It didn't give. She felt so alone. Maybe they had left, gone to the market. Maybe she was calling out and no one could hear her. She would die here, trapped in the prison that would be her coffin. She shuddered.

"Please."

* * *

Someone was shaking her. She screamed and lashed out. She flew backwards, pushing as far away from Him as she could. Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just done. Her breathing hitched and suddenly her heart was hammering twice as fast. She curled up into a ball, sheltering her head with her arms. She was to afraid to say anything, but she forced herself to speak.

"I-" She gulped, trying to keep from hyperventilating. "I'm sorry. Please. I didn't mean to." She was shaking, head to toe.

"Roxas?" Axel asked, she pressed one hand to the cut Roxas' fingernails had created above her left eye. Her other hand was still outstretched to the blonde.

This voice was different, not the one Roxas was expecting, but it didn't wake her from her memories. She was still shuddering uncontrollably. "Please, please forgive me. I didn't mean to. It was an accident." She repeated. She looked up, desperately trying to find some way out of this. She met the other girl's eyes, but didn't see them.

"Please." She begged eyes still not seeing what was in front of her. She was looking at something so much farther away, from another time, a memory.

"Roxas! It's me. Chill!" Axel said desperately, ignoring the cut on her forehead. She extended her arms towards the Roxas, but pulled back when the younger girl flinched. Tears were running down the girl's cheeks. She was still whispering 'please' again and again. And the redhead had no idea what to do.

Roxas calmed down a little. No, that wasn't the right word for it. She was more collected, not calmer. She still had that same gleam in her eyes. Axel started getting up, but stopped when the other girl's small hand grabbed her sleeve.

"Don't. Please, don't just leave me. Please, what are you going to do? You know I won't fight, please, what are you going to do?" Roxas begged. Pleading with the man she saw when she looked at the redhead. She couldn't stand just sitting here, not knowing what was coming.

Axel sat back down slowly. "Ok. I won't leave." She tried to say soothingly, but the younger girl interrupted her.

"No, that's not . . ." She stopped, listening to words that weren't being spoken. And then she screamed. "NO! Please! Don't! Let me go!" She fought against invisible arms, but as if Axel really was pulling at her, she moved. She was up off the bed when she stopped fighting. She just seemed to droop. She was sobbing uncontrollably, and she just crumpled.

Axel had no idea what had just happened, but from what she could tell, it was over. Roxas didn't look the same way she had before. It wasn't like she was living some other experience, not anymore. She was back to right where her body was, in the middle of the floor of her room, huddled on her floor, crying uncontrollably.

"Roxas, Roxas, sh. Its ok. Its all going to be okay. Its over." Axel said softly as she kneeled down beside the girl she cared for so deeply. The second she brushed her hand against the smaller girl's back, she found she had that same girl attached onto her chest. She was holding her in a death grip, as though even the smallest tug would rip her away from everything she held dear. The tears didn't stop. If anything, they came harder.

"Oh, Roxas." Axel whispered, pulling the young girl closer. "Its okay, I'm right here with you." Throughout the entire thing, the lights had remained off, so the room was almost pitch black, now Axel reached up and switched on the bedside lamp, bathing them in a soft yellow light.

"What happened to you?" She wondered aloud as she continued to draw soothing circles on the other girl's back. It hurt her to see her like this. So broken. She could feel every tremor go through the tiny body in her arms. She leaned back against the bed, everything was so strange. She wanted so badly to help this girl, but she had no idea how to do that.

"Baby, can you hear me? Sweetie, can you?" She asked, watching the blonde for any sign of recognition. There was none. Although it seemed the girl was out of whatever nightmare had held her so fast only minutes before, it seemed that she was still fairly lost to the world.

"Oh baby. I love you so much. I don't know what to do. You mean the world to me, you know that right?" Axel half waited for an answer, but also hoped she wouldn't get one. She wasn't sure the girl was ready to face the real world again just yet. "Of course you don't. I can only imagine what you've been through. Part of me doesn't want to. It hurts so bad to know you've been caused pain." She sighed, pausing in her circles until the blonde in her arms whimpered slightly.

"Did you know that the time in that first class wasn't really the first time I'd seen you? No. I already knew you were going to be in that class when I signed up for it. Second semester, remember? I'd seen you around campus, I was that helpful student on your first day, when you got hopelessly lost? Do you remember? Course not. It wasn't that important of a meeting. I do, normally I would have just told you to piss off, but then I looked at you, and couldn't. I don't know why, I just looked into your insanely blue eyes, and the words got lost, sounds so cliché, you know? Pissed me off later too. I was late to my class, got chewed out for it. But I had to follow you to your class to make sure you got there okay. Something about you just made me want to protect you." Axel sighed. This was stupid, Roxas couldn't even hear her.

She looked down at the girl in her arms, she was fast asleep, and looked so peaceful like that, and continued. "It was crazy, I mean, you were just some freshman. And yet, I couldn't get you out of my head. I kept seeing you places, I'd be out with Demyx, and we'd pass by a restaurant and there you'd be, laughing and talking. I used to lay awake at night and try to figure out what your laugh would sound like if I ever got to hear it. Zexion was really annoying about it too. Not that he said anything, just sat there and looked at me in this knowing way, wanted to set his hair on fire, but I knew Demy would kill me." She chuckled to herself before continuing.

"You know, you aren't that easy a person to get to know." She might have chuckled. "I guess that's easier to understand now. Drove me crazy. And then you stopped breathing. Holy shit man, you scared the shit out of me. I was so scared. It took me a little while to realize that you had left, and then I left too. Hell, I only went because I thought you would be there. And then, walking to my car, there you were. Just sitting on the side walk. I got closer, and realized something was wrong. Jesus, you have no idea what was going through my head. I was terrified you were dying. The sounds you made trying to breath. I swear I had enough adrenaline to lift a bus. So I did something stupid and moved in with you. A complete stranger, and yet you let me. No idea why you did, but I'm not going to complain. That's the best thing that's happened to me in quite a while.

It drove me crazy though, getting to be around you, but not getting to be with you. It was driving me crazy. I already knew you weren't even thinking about being in a relationship with me. I knew it wasn't going to happen, and yet it took up all my thoughts. I woke up every morning hoping I would turn over, and there you'd be. Stupid, pathetic, love sick puppy. Marly came up with some very interesting ways of putting it. Bitch, but I love hir.

I remember watching you that one time that it rained. I'm not a fan of rain, but ever since then, I keep wishing it would rain again so I could see that. I have all these little pictures of us playing around in my head all the time. Little half memories and things that haven't even happened. Its insane, because I look at you, and there's all these emotions that all fight to see whose going to come out on top. You confuse the shit out of me, and yet I can't stop thinking about it. About you. And watching the little things that go around in my head.

They aren't even interesting. Half the time its just some random thing. Like painting. I have this little clip in my head of us painting a room. And we have some old CD player on, and we're blasting the music, and dancing around as we paint the walls of some room. You twirl and laugh and look like the little freak you are, but it the most amazing thing I've ever seen. We're just happy, you know? It's just us, having fun." Axel yawned. Who knew what time it was? Late. Probably more like early at this point. She carefully picked up Roxas and gently carried her back to the bed, laying her down and tucking her in. She turned to leave, but was stopped by a light grip on her sleeve. She looked down into bleary blue eyes, and stayed.

* * *

The next morning came with Axel trying desperately to untangle her arm from the grasp of Roxas. It didn't happen. Eventually, she gave up and just grabbed her book and read until the younger girl stirred. She didn't look up from her book until she felt the hands loosen from around her arm. "Morning." She said cautiously, she wasn't sure what the response would be from her little blonde.

Roxas rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Did that . . . really happen last night?" She asked, looking into those green eyes. A blush colored her cheeks, that mixed with way she worriedly bit her lip made her the picture of concern. Axel nodded. "Shit."

Roxas picked herself up off the taller girl and frowned. "Look, you weren't meant to see that." She said, sighing and dropping the hand that had been massaging her temple. She turned to the kitchen, and started brewing some coffee. Axel followed her silently, not knowing how to work this.

Axel watched helplessly as her blonde worked. She looked so tense. What was wrong? It wasn't that bad, I mean, did she think she was going to judge her? She surely knew better than that. She watched as Roxas stretched up, trying to reach something on one of the higher shelves. "Here." She said, moving closer and grabbing it for her. Roxas flinched back, and a frown found its way onto Axel face.

She put the sugar on the counter, and stood there for a moment. Roxas still didn't face her. "Roxas, I-" She moved forward, placing her hand reassuringly on the other girls shoulder.

Roxas flinched away, spinning around as she slid sideways out of Axel's reach. "Look, Axel, I don't think I'm going to die from some freaky allergic reaction, so I don't think you have to babysit me anymore." She said, not quite looking at her. She was more of looking through her. "I think it would be best if you moved out." She didn't break eye contact, didn't give any reaction at all.

Axel was stunned. "Um, okay. It'll take me a few hours to collect my stuff, and I'll call Dem to see if I can crash there for a few days I guess." She mumbled.

"I think that's for the best."She turned, and walked away, locking herself in her room. Leaving Axel gaping at her door, not understanding what had just happened.

* * *

"Hey Dem? Can I come crash at your place for a while?"

"Um, yeah, sure. Don't tell me you and Roxas split. Axel! I told you to be careful with-" Axel cut Demyx off.

"Yeah, look, just come pick me up in an hour, k? Thanks Dem. Preciate it." Axel hung up.

* * *

"So you wanna talk about it?" Demyx asked, throwing open the car door and staring at the very down looking Axel.

"No." Was the only response he got.

"But dude, what happened?"

"No idea." Axel lugged her final bag around to the now very crowded back of Demyx' car and hurled it into the mix.

"You must have done something." Demyx muttered under his breath glancing up in time to see the drapes in Roxas' window swing shut. "She just ejected you? I thought things were going really well."

"Yeah. So did I, apparently not." Was the curt answer that was shot from his right as his friend climbed in beside him. Demyx pulled away from the curb, and drove off. Roxas watched from her window.

* * *

"Good morning class." Professor Briggs called out over the incessant chatter that surrounded the entire class. "So, as all of you should know, that huge project is due next Tuesday. But it has been brought to my attention, that it two months might not be enough time for you to follow the scientific method completely through. How many of you feel this way? Just raise your hand." He paused as the majority of the class raised their hands. "Alright. You have two more weeks to finish them up. So today we are going to be looking at tribe mentality." He continued on, but Axel was lost to the rest of the lecture. She would ask Demyx about it later. She was to focused on Roxas. Or the lack of Roxas.

Where was Roxas? She had meant to find her before class. Try to talk to her. She hadn't returned any of her calls, and seemed to be avoiding her. She wasn't in class. When the class finally ended, she went over to some of the others that Roxas sometimes talked to. But they had just sized her up before telling her they had no idea where she was.

She groaned. She half wanted to swing by the apartment that had been hers until quite recently, but didn't think Roxas would want her to. She sighed, and she had to get to work. Zexion would be there working today, so that was something. Sure, he'd be annoyingly silent, and not say much. Probably just stare at her and make her feel stupid. What were friends for?

When the chiming of bells announced her arrival as she pushed the door open, she froze. There was Roxas, sitting in the corner, talking to Kairi. What the hell? She wasn't sick? She had just skipped out on class? Skipped out on her? She bit her tongue, hard, trying to quell the anger she felt rising inside of here. Hearing the bells, the blonde twisted in her seat, and for one moment their eyes locked.

Something hit Axel's head and draped in front of her face. "What the hell?" She muttered pulling her apron thing off her head. Zexion had thrown it. How very like him. She glanced at him, glaring. He just stared at her for a moment, then went on cleaning the counter. Axel sighed.

She moved behind the counter, and started brewing some kid's order. Her eyes never left Roxas' back.

It stayed like that for about a week. Roxas would completely ignore her, not show up to class, then be at the coffee shop when Axel showed up for her shift. She would leave about half an hour after Axel arrived, and then be there when Axel showed up for her next shift. It was driving the redhead crazy.

Roxas was there now, sitting in the corner, not paying attention to anything. Just sitting. Why was she even there? Wasn't the point of having Axel move out (she still couldn't admit to herself that she had kicked her out) to distance her from the other? At least Axel had only tried to talk to her once. The second day she had been there, Axel had come over and asked if they could talk. She had simply said no, and gotten up and left. Leaving Axel stunned once again. She hadn't tried again.

Well, that wasn't completely true. Axel still left messages every day. That's how she had known that Axel had her own place now. She had given her the number, and repeated her cell in case Roxas had lost it. Maybe hoping that the reason the blonde hadn't called was because of some technological problem. Stupid.

Roxas sighed, got up and left. It was a little early. Axel had only gotten there about fifteen minutes ago, not the thirty that normally passed. She walked home. It was an ok walk. Not short by any means, but do able. It gave her time to think. She knew why she was removing Axel from her life. She had seen her vulnerable, weak, and she hated that. She couldn't look into those green green eyes knowing what they had seen.

She shuddered at the memories. More like the memories of memories. She hadn't told Axel about all of it. She hadn't even told Sora all of it. She couldn't. Just . . . couldn't. Sora would just feel guilty. Like he always did. Wish he had gotten her out sooner. Saved her sooner.

Roxas trudged along, lost in her thoughts as it began to rain. Things were so complicated now. She understood why she was blocking Axel out, but not why it felt like she was losing more than just Axel. Why did it feel like she had abandoned her life? Why did she feel like she was walking to the gallows instead of her home?

_Axel did this to you. She made you weak._ A voice in her head spoke. _She's just like the rest of them, trying to break you._

No, that wasn't true. She had felt fine when she was with Axel. Great. It was now that she wasn't there that she felt like all color had drained from her life. I just can't handle being with her right now. Being with anyone. She thought.

She finally got home, and checked her messages. There was one from Axel. She deleted it, and then stopped. She should at least listen to it, right? She quickly restored it, and listened.

"Hi. Look, I'm not going to keep calling you, you know my numbers, you know you can call. I'm here if you need me, but this is the last message I'm going to leave."

Why did it hurt so much that she was giving up? That's what she had wanted, that's what she had hoped for, wasn't it? To be forgotten? She sighed, slipping down to the floor. This is what you want. She repeated to herself, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. She was plagued with nightmares.

* * *

"Dude, Axel. You're going to get fired if you keep skipping work." Demyx said, leaning in the door way to Axel's room. He had stopped by after Zexion had texted him saying Axel had skipped work again. Now he peered into a dark room that he knew to be Axel's, and watched the slumped form of his friend shrug noncommittally. "Geez, this place it a dump, where'd you find it? Advertised in the bathroom?" He wrinkled his nose at a water mark on the wall next to him, and sniffed. There was no way Axel liked this place.

Axel just grunted. She leaned her head back against her bed, and wished her friend away. She wanted to go back to hating the world and moping. Sitting in her room with all the lights off waiting for Roxas to call. It seemed to fit with exactly how pathetic she felt.

"Axel, come on. I'm worried about you." Demyx whimpered. Ok, maybe that was mean, he didn't whimper, per say. Axel thought. It was more like a whine. She felt more than heard the footsteps as Demyx walked across his room and sat beside her. There wasn't much room to cross.

For once, Demyx didn't say anything. He just say beside Axel, and leaned against the bed. "I'm really sorry man." He whispered, before finally getting up and leaving.

Time passed. Time could just keep passing as far as Axel was concerned. Time could just leave her behind. She would just stay in this room forever, waiting for a blonde to call.

Time passed. Demyx stopped by a couple more times. He brought food the last couple of times. She guessed he suspected she hadn't been to the store. She stared at her phone, glared at it more of. Why didn't she just call? What had she done?

"Get up." It wasn't the voice she was expecting. When she had heard someone enter her apartment, she had assumed it was Demyx again. It wasn't. Zexion stood in the doorway emotionlessly. "This is useless. Get up." Axel looked up. "You're being stupid. If anyone else was sitting in the dark, refusing to move until their partner called, you would tear them a new one. So get off your ass, and move." Something in Axel clicked.

Zexion was right. She nodded and stood up, leaving her phone on the ground. "Yeah. Sorry." She muttered. It was the most thanks she was going to give Zexion, even if he did deserve more.

She walked to the kitchen and started brewing coffee.

Demyx nearly tackled her when she showed up for class the next day. Roxas was there, off to the side. She caught her looking curiously, but then she turned back to the front and ignored them the rest of the day. She didn't show up at the coffee shop.

* * *

Roxas was sitting in her chair, drinking coffee and looking forlornly out the window when her phone went off. She nearly tackled the receiver and quickly pressed talk. "Hello?"

"Hey Roxas! What's up?" Sora. Not Axel.

* * *

"Oh. Hey Sora." Roxas tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. Apparently she wasn't very good at it.

"Hey, what's wrong? You sound really down." Sora said, picking up on his little sister's mood as soon as Roxas started to talk.

"Noth-" Roxas couldn't even finish her word before Sora cut her off.

"Nothing my ass Roxas. You're my little sister and I can read you like a book. I'm coming over." The line clicked off. Roxas sighed. There was no reasoning with Sora when he was like this. And maybe that was good. She loved that Sora could do that. Just pick up on her mood, and take action. Sora was always there for her.

She glanced at her clock. 2:30pm. He even took off from work? Wow, she must really sound bad. She heard a knock on her door not long after the phone had been shut off. "Just come in Sora." She called.

The door opened. "Hey. What's up?" Sora asked, striding quickly over and hugging his little sister.

Roxas sighed. "I don't know. I just feel . . . off." She looked down. Sora was so strong. He always helped her, protected her, made her feel better. Made her feel safe. "I just, someone started to get close to me, and . . ."

"Close like, romantically?" Sora was instantly interested. "Ooh, gossip! So, what's his name?" He asked, smiling widely.

"No! You aren't listening! I pushed them away! Everyone! I let myself get vulnerable! And now I won't even look at them!" Roxas yelled, pushing away from her brother. "It's stupid, but even now, I won't let anyone get close to me! I had a nightmare, but a waking one, I haven't gotten one of those in years! And they were there, and- and!" She wanted to scream. Why was she so incapable? Why did she do this every time? Why couldn't she ever let anyone in?

Sora sighed. "I'm sorry sweetie." He stroked her hair, gently tucking a strand behind her ear. "I guess I got excited that my baby sister had finally found someone. It's ok sweetie. It worries me that you had a waking nightmare again. You haven't had those in years. Did something happen?" He wrapped his arms back around her, and they sat on the cough again.

"I don't know." Roxas said hopelessly, bringing her knees up to her chin and letting Sora comfort her. They sat together for hours, talking sometimes, not others. It was nice. How it was supposed to be. Simple. Roxas found herself forgetting all those years. It was just her and her big brother on the couch at home watching cartoons.

Eventually Sora left. Riku was waiting for him. They were going out to dinner. Roxas felt better now. She had forgotten what it was like to just sit with Sora. Why he was such a great big brother. He was always there with exactly what she needed. He was her salvation.

She sighed. It was early, and she didn't want to stay sitting in the apartment alone. She scrolled through her phone book on her cell. Hayner, Pence, Olette, Sora, Emergency, Axel, Zexion, Work, Demyx, Axel. She sighed. She could call Hayner, but he wasn't in town. She remembered hearing something about his sister having a baby. So that wouldn't help her at all.

Pence would probably be up for it, but he'd bring his camera, and that meant later she would have to hunt down the pictures. She wanted to get really smashed. That left Olette. She wasn't exactly the type you went out and drank with. Great. Looked like she was out of luck. She could always go on her own, but drinking alone sounded pathetic, even to her.

She got up and walked to the window. Replaying the conversation with Sora in her head. What had he said? 'Ooh, gossip! So, what's his name?' That was it. What's **his** name. But Axel wasn't a him. She was a her. That's what made her so special and amazing, and incredible.

Why did it irk her so much that Sora had gotten it wrong? It wasn't that uncommon of a goof. And he had never been introduced to Axel. Roxas wasn't stupid. She knew that society would automatically assume she was dating a guy if she said she was dating someone. Was she dating someone? No, so why did it matter?

But it did. Why? Or was it what she had said back that was putting her on edge. Not that Sora had assumed it was a guy, but that she hadn't said any different? She scoured the conversation, but knew she would find nothing. She hadn't corrected him. She hadn't even used 'she' or 'her' it was all 'they' and 'them'. That seemed so weird. Why hadn't she said something? But she already felt on edge, and thinking about it wasn't helping.

Why did it matter now anyway? She had already pushed Axel away. Like she always did. She pushed everyone away once they started getting to close. She could talk to people, hang with people, even have friends, but the second they started getting to close, it was over. She would push them out.

Even her closest friends, Hayner, Pence and Olette, weren't too close. She kept it that way on purpose. She didn't want to lose them. There used to be another. Tidus, he was cool. He had lived on her street when she was with a family once. He knew she was a foster kid, and when Sora had moved them back there, she had started hanging out with him again. It was the five of them. Until Tidus got to close. She didn't even know where he lived now.

Roxas sighed. She was tired. She didn't want to think about that past. And she certainly didn't want to think about Axel, which was where her mind was headed. Where her mind was always headed. She sighed and pulled herself to her room, collapsing on her bed. She was out in seconds.

* * *

**Ending Notes: **Please keep in mind, I didn't write this in one stretch, so it might seem a little choppy. Hope it works out ok. How many of you expected Roxas to get kicked out? Because I actually didn't!! I mean, like I was writing, and then the voice in my head was all: Do it. _Do it._ And I'm all, but but, I don't wanna!!! But I did. Sigh, why do the voices in my head have so much power?

Anywho, to explain why I haven't been posting for a while, and why I have time right now, even though I should go to sleep, I have a job. Well, ok, its more of a volunteer thing. But still, work. I'm working at a preschool, and I love it. But it does mean less time to sleep in, which means less time to stay up late, which means less time to write. So less updates. As for why I am updating/have the time to write now, I am sick. Why, you ask? Because I'm working and being around little kids almost everyday. If you don't understand, as your parents, or ask anyone who works with kids. They will.

Ok, so just to ease your minds, I know Sora has been very out of character. And weird, and so has Riku, I know this. Oh how I know this. First off, later I will explain why Sora is so weird in this, and I promise it will all make sense, it will also make sense then. I want you to form your own feelings towards Sora and his role in this fic. Then I will tell you my take. Later. But for Riku, I can't wait. Because she/he has a very small part in this fic. Actually, the only reason that she/he is in it, is because Sora is. And it pains me to leave the other out when they are so clearly meant to be together. I love them together, I really do. And the reason she/he is really out of character, is because I coupled them, and his/her normal personality just wouldn't work. So I put him in, but with weird and strangely not Riku like, and its breaking my heart, slowly and from the inside out. Anywho, hope that clears that up a bit.

Z


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: **Ok, so to make up for not posting in forever, I'm posting another chapter vefore I leave. This is so crazy, its almost two in the morning, I have to get up in like four hours. I must really love you guys or something. Anyway, thank you for reading and all that jazz. I'm so tired, that I'm surprised I can even type. Although it did just take me like four tries to get 'surprised' out. Anyway, sleep, me, now. If you really love me, you'll send my gummy bears for this. Mmm, gummy bears. Anyway, enjoy. Oh, and I know its a shorter chapter, but the next will be longer, and I'm f-ing tired. Look, I'm to tired to swear in my author's note!

* * *

Another week passed by, and things went on pretty much the same as before Axel had met Roxas for a while. Axel went to parties, Roxas studied. Axel pulled Zexion's hair once to many times, and got hit, hard. Roxas studied. Axel got drunk, and picked up some girl from a local bar. Roxas studied. Demyx yelled at Axel for picking up said girl. Roxas studied. Axel stared at her phone, hoping Roxas would call. Roxas wished she had the nerve to call, but knew she wouldn't.

"Axel, we have a show tonight! You promised you'd come, you are ready, right?" Demyx called through the bathroom door, waiting for Axel to finish whatever she was doing in there and come out already. They needed to get their asses to the fair ground before it got dark.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Hold on." Axel called, taking another swig from the open bottle next to her. The alcohol burned down her throat, but she didn't care. She wrapped the end of the head scarf she was wearing around the knot one more time, and secured it. She really didn't want to get her hair singed. She glanced at herself in the mirror. Her battered and worn jeans were more for comfort than anything else, and she had wrapped more scarves around her legs. The vest she wore was old too. She had a ribbon or scarf tied around one of her arms, and was wearing a glove on her other hand, hiding a nasty burn she had gotten from practice three nights ago. Sighing, she threw the door open.

"Yeah, I'm ready. You're driving." She muttered to a stunned Dem.

"Damn, you look good tonight. If I hadn't figured out I was gay, and you hadn't figured out you were a lezzie, I would so do you right now." Axel just raised an eyebrow at what Demyx was saying, but shrugged it off. He was just strange some times.

It was true that they had gone out for a little while, back in high school, before they had realized that neither of them actually was interested romantically. They had still pretended to date a little after that, for safety. But then Zexion had transferred, and Axel got tired of pretending.

"Let's just go." Axel grumbled, about as excited to go as a kid was to go back to school on Monday. Demyx just shrugged.

"Just try not to kill me. I know you've been using this to get out a little frustration." Demyx just didn't know when to shut up, did he?

Axel fist tightened. "And just what do I have to be frustrated about Demyx?" Axel growled. Apparently the way that she had ground out the blonde's name didn't register.

"With the whole Roxas situation and all." He started, but was abruptly cut off by Zexion placing a firm hand on his shoulder. He had heard Axel's tone.

Axel grumbling and Zexion giving a very confused looking Demyx a very stern look, all three got into the blonde's car.

"You know how to get to this place, right?" Axel demanded, glaring out the windshield.

"Nope, but Zexy does, and he'll give me instructions." Demyx said, grinning widely. He was such a dork.

The drive wasn't long, too short in Axel's opinion. Listening to Demyx ramble was soothing. It was so easy to just pretend nothing had happened. That the girl she had let in hadn't mirrored the rejection of her family. _Great, you sound like a shrink._ She thought to herself.

Everyone was setting up when they arrived, and the sun was almost out of the sky. "They estimate we'll be able to start in about half an hour." One of the girls said as she walked by. Well that was something at least.

"I'm going to try some new stuff this round, ok?" Axel asked, looking at Dem. They had worked out that they would do a little of their pair routine, but that Axel would primarily perform by herself. She wasn't feeling all that keen on working in a partnership at the moment. And Demyx was fine sitting out a little more than he normally did. Zexion wasn't performing that night, so it would give them a chance to relax together.

Zexion and Demyx moved away from Axel to get ready and just hangout, and Axel spotted a certain wine haired performer. "Hey, Kairi! Can I talk to you for a sec?" She jogged over to her, and looked down into her eyes.

"Yeah? What?" Kairi snapped, not really in the mood to talk to a over confident jerk who had almost set her on fire the last practice.

"Oh don't tell me you're still sore about me almost hitting you, it was an accident, got it memorized?" Axel asked, leaning back and placing her hands on her hips.

"Whatever. You singed one of my favorite shirts!" Kairi snapped, rising to the bait.

"It didn't look that good on you anyway." Muttered Axel, she was irritated, and misery did love company.

Kairi just glared. "Was there something you wanted? Or did you just come over here to be a dick?"

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask if you'd talked to Roxas recently." Axel asked.

Kairi smirked. "Love trouble?" She snickered. "No. I haven't seen or talked to your little blonde in about a week and a half. Why?"

Axel just nodded, and walked off, ignoring her question. "Jackass." She muttered, returning to polishing her gear.

The first half of the show went pretty quickly, the only snare occurred when Kairi 'accidently' got Axel with her flame. "Oops." She sneered out, after making sure Axel was ok. She was pissed, but she didn't want to actually hurt the other girl.

Then it was time for Axel's solo. It was supposed to be simple, a little showy, but not difficult. That's what the group was expecting. Axel threw the plan to the wind, and began something completely different.

"What the fuck is she doing?" Larxene snapped, she hadn't started the group, but acted as the unofficial leader, and not being told about a change in the performance really ticked her off.

Axel was going completely by instinct, barely following any routine at all. She twirled faster than anyone else had. She wasn't smiling. The look on her face read purely angry. She was turning, jumping and almost dancing to the music, but much faster than she normally did, much faster than was safe.

She kept going, twirling faster and faster, moving the flames up and down around her as she spun. She was moving so fast it looked like she was the center of a cyclone of flames. She stopped abruptly, and with the beat sent the flames off in four different directions in turn before doing a complex mix of spirals and flicks with the flames, finally sending them straight up, and leaving them hanging down from her hands which she held above her head.

Clapping broke loose, and the crowd was on their feet in seconds. Axel smiled, and bowed, exiting the stage as the next people stepped up. Larxene was livid.

"What the hell Axel?" She demanded, dragging her across to a secluded spot a little ways away from the activity. Zexion and Demyx had stood by the exit from the stage, waiting with cloths to put out the flames. Axel had just left everything there. "We talked about changing your routine! I thought it was clear you weren't supposed to go to fast, it's a miracle you weren't hurt. You could have caught on fire! The group needs this! Zidane needs a new staff, and those aren't cheap, even when you make them from scratch. Not to mention the lighter liquid. Our stores are running low Axel." She continued to rant, glaring at her all the while. "What the hell were you thinking?" She finally demanded.

Axel shrugged. "I needed to blow off some steam I guess."

Larxene might have developed a twitch. "Blow? Some steam? That's your excuse? You couldn't have done that during practice? Or did you try? It wasn't enough that you nearly caught someone else on fire, you needed to feel all those eyes on your, did you? Fuck the group so long as you get to be the center of attention, right? Well great job there! Let's all put our hands together for Axel! The king of fire spinning! You aren't the best Axel, and you aren't as important as you think you are!"

Axel laughed. "Neither are you Larx. You want to believe you're all important don't you? Look at me, I'm the leader. I _matter._ Well you don't. You want to pretend that you have power? Go ahead. Boss around everyone else, but don't think for a second you can do that with me. I'm tired of these games Larxene. You think just 'cause you got a past you have something to prove? Look around! We all have pasts! So deal the fuck with it!" She spat before turning and walking away.

"And is that what you're doing? Dealing with it?" She called at the retreating redhead. She smiled to herself as she watched Axel pause, back tensed up, before continuing much more subdued.

"Come on Demyx, let's go. I have class in the morning." Axel sighed, drooping beside her best friend.

"Aw, but I wanted to watch more!" Demyx complained before looking up and catching onto Axel mood. "Actually, going home sounds good." He said, hoping up and kissing Zexion on the cheek. "Zex is going to stay and help clean up. Someone offered to give him a ride." He explained.

Axel just nodded, following her friend to the car. She was suddenly exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to just shut herself up in her room and sleep. Or get drunk. Both sounded really good at the moment.

Demyx sighed as they pulled up in front of Axel's new apartment. "You going to be okay?" He asked, looking at Axel worriedly.

Axel looked at her friend, and nodded. "Yeah, don't sweat it. I'm just tired." She plastered on a fake cheery look, and trudged up the stairs. She yawned and rubbed her eyes as she tried to find her keys in her pocket. She finally gripped the cold metal and opened her door.

God her apartment was a mess. It was really insane how much shit was on the floor. Did she even own that much dirty laundry? Apparently so. She climbed over the mountains of gods only knew what, and headed for her room. She stopped quickly by the kitchen to grab a glass of water and check her messages. Two weeks and she was still waiting for Roxas to call. Pathetic.

She sighed. This was bad. She felt like a little lost puppy. It seemed only fitting. Hadn't Zexion called her a love sick puppy not that long ago? Still, wasn't she a bit big to be a puppy? She had been through a lot, was some girl really tripping her up this badly?

_Not some girl, the girl._ A voice argued in her head. Roxas was more than just some girl, wasn't she? Why else would she have been so keen on getting to know her? It made no sense if Roxas was just some girl she wanted to fuck.

She hissed. That wasn't what she wanted from Roxas. No. She hated herself for even thinking it. It wasn't like that! Roxas was different. Roxas was too special to treat like that. She deserved so much better than that. _She deserves so much better than you._ The voice in her head said, wrapping its cold fingers around her mind. _That's why she kicked you out. You aren't good enough._

Axel shuddered. That wasn't true. Was it? Roxas didn't think she was too good for her, right? It wasn't something she had done, right? She had looked over every action, everything she had done over and over again, looking for something she had done. Some way it was her fault. But every time she looked, she found nothing. Just her. Just that she wasn't good enough.

Axel sighed. She was getting nowhere. Just like whenever she thought about it, every time she tried to answer one question, it only sprung more. She wanted to scream. She slumped against the counter. She was tired. She needed to sleep. She left her cup in the sink, and trudged to her bedroom. She was about to turn the handle when a quiet knock sounded on her front door.

She stood still for a moment. Should she answer it? Leave it? Was she even sure she had heard a knock? No, there had been a knock. Sighing, she walked to the door, opening it a crack before quickly shutting it to switch the latch so she could open it all the way.

There, standing on her front porch in the rain, was Roxas.

A tremor ran down Roxas' spine, and she sniffled softly. Her nose was running, and she quickly ran her sleeve under her nose again, it was habit more than anything. "Can I stay with you?" She asked, her voice was wobbly, and she hated the way it cracked on the last word. A bruise was just starting to blossom across her right cheek as she looked up at Axel.

Axel was stunned. Silently she stepped aside, letting the little blonde enter.

Roxas stood in the entry way, dripping wet and shivering. "I-" She gulped. Her eyes were puffy and red, she had clearly been crying. "Sora, he-" She stopped again, still not looking at Axel. She looked up, meeting Axel's eyes for the first time since she had entered. "He kicked me out." And then the little blonde lost it.

She just broke down right in front of Axel. Her shoulders hunched, and she cried. She looked so alone. She just stood there in the middle of Axel's entry way and cried. She was holding herself, her little arms wrapped around herself in a one person hug. Her knuckles were white on her coat. She held on like she thought if she let go, she would surely break apart.

"Roxas." Axel whispered, wrapping her arms around the tiny blonde, holding her tight. "Baby, what happened to you?" She whispered, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes. What had happened? Where was the Roxas she knew? There had been cracks, little pieces of Roxas that were unstable, but not like this. She wasn't in some other place, trapped in memories. She was right here, alone and abandoned.

Roxas shifted her grip. She was no longer just holding herself together, but holding herself to Axel as well. She gripped the older girl's shirt, crying hard into the thin fabric.

"Come on, let's get you out of those before you catch your death." Axel said, sighing. She pulled lightly at the jacket that was drenched through. "Jesus Roxas, what did you do, walk here?" She joked, horrified when the other girl nodded. Bile rose in her throat as she thought of the long walk from her apartment to the other in the rain. Who could make Roxas do something like that? Shove her out into the rain with nowhere to go?

Roxas shuddered, but her crying slowed a little. "Sorry." She muttered, sniffling some more. "I didn't know where else to go."

"Sh. It's okay. It's ok." Axel repeated again and again, soothingly running her hands over Roxas' back. The other girl's grip loosened slightly. She drew back, and wiped her nose again.

"S-sorry." She muttered again. Axel didn't want to hear it.

"Come on, I'm going to run you a bath. You need to warm up." Axel said, going into her bathroom and turning on the water. She waited for it to heat up, then put in the plug. She went back to where Roxas still stood, not having moved an inch.

"Here." Axel said, steering the blonde to the bathroom. "Hand me your clothes when you are about o get in so I can put them in the dryer." Axel instructed, pushing Roxas toward the bath slightly. "Get in, it does wonders."

Roxas just nodded, and started to strip after closing the door. "I'm going to go find you a clean towel." Axel called, leaving the hallway to go look. When she returned, towel in hand, there was a pile of wet clothes outside the door to the bathroom. "I'm going to leave the towels out in the hall and go throw these in the dryer." She called to the blonde, waiting a second before realizing she wasn't going to get a verbal response. She left.

After starting the dryer running, she realized that Roxas didn't have anything else to where. That would be problematic. She walked to her room, pleased to see the towels had been taken, and started looking through her drawers to see if she could find something the other girl could wear. She came up with very little. It would all be big on her. She walked back to outside the bathroom. She could faintly hear the splash of water from the other side of the door. "I'm going to leave some clothes out here for you." She called. She added that she would be in her room as an afterthought.

The water felt nice. Warm and safe. Just the things Roxas needed right now. She felt hollow, like there was nothing to keep her together anymore. Like she was one of those flimsy chocolate bunnies, and at any moment she would just fall to pieces.

She sighed and relaxed into the water, finally stopping shivering. It had been so cold out. She shuddered. Or maybe it wasn't that it was cold outside. She had felt cold inside. Cold and dead. She shivered again. Yeah, maybe it wasn't that cold.

She just let herself relax and drift away. She wasn't asleep, just off. She didn't really want to deal with the sharp realities at the moment. Didn't want to think about the only person she had ever counted on turning their back on her. Didn't want to think about how she was now homeless. That she had nowhere to go. She didn't want to think about how horribly she had treated Axel.

She sniffled. Axel was being so nice about this. It was late. Midnight at least, and Axel was being so sweet. She had been completely cruel to her in the last two weeks, and now she was coming here. Having randomly shown up on her doorstep, last and alone. Why hadn't she trusted her again? Why had she pushed her away?

Her chest gave a little shudder. She still hadn't stopped crying. It was just lighter. Easier to ignore. Why did it hurt so much? Was it because this was the one thing she hadn't expected? To be pushed away this one final time? She had so little left to lose now. She didn't have anything.

Slowly the water began to lose its heat. It would be cold soon. She should get out. She closed her eyes, trying to think about anything other than what had just happened. She just wanted to stop crying.

She sighed and opened her eyes again. The room was exactly the same. Everything was exactly the same. Same cold world. Same empty feeling.

She pulled the plug, and climbed out of the bath. Axel had been right, she did feel better, if only slightly. She wrapped herself in the towels. They were warm and soft. She inhaled deeply, smelling the distinct scent that was Axel. It wasn't strong these were freshly washed, but it was there. It wrapped around Roxas like a warm blanket, providing comfort.

She opened the door and grabbed the clothes Axel had left out for her. They were too big, but they were something. She hugged herself once she was dressed, still feeling cold. Was the air conditioning running? She was shivering. She stumbled to the couch and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chin. She was still shivering uncontrollably.

She pulled the throw blanket that was next to her on the couch around her shoulders, and tried to block out the cold.

Axel found her like that, sitting on the couch, clutching the ends of the blanket around her knees and shivering. She looked sadly down at the blonde she cared for so deeply, and sat next to her. She wrapped her arms around her, and pulled her closer. It warmed the blonde up a little, but she continued to shiver.

She drew Roxas up to face her, and held her tight. "Ok. What happened?" She asked gently. "And start at the beginning."

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**Ending Notes:** So there it is. I know it isn't my best, but did I mention the VERY tired? Anyway, please review. It means oh so much to me. And thank you to reddoggie for making me so happy that I decided to post this tonight. You made me oh so happy. As a reminder: the compitition to draw Axel and Roxas as girls is still going, please submit your drawing as they make me VERY happy. And pleade review, it puts me in such a wonderful mood. Red even got a super special clue didn't you? Shhh! No telling! Anyway, please review. Now I'm off to sleepy land, where I shall desperately hope to find some rest before I go off on a very long car ride to a wonderful place full of magical people. No, its not the loony bin, its CAMP!!!!! Yay!!! Oh, hey, thats a really good movie. Wow there Z, way to get off topic. Anyway, sleep. Night to you all. Please review. Its that nice little button, right there. You see it, don't you? You do, don't you? You want to push it, right? Push the button. Push it. Push it. Pushthebuttonpushthebuttonpushthebuttonpushthebutton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Push it!!!!!!!!

Anywho, see you around the next time.

Z


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: **Ok, so I'm not that happy with how this came out, at least not the second part. Who knows, maybe I'll rewrite it later. I added another line to the last chapter, so go check it out if you didn't catch it last time round. So hi. I'm back from the most wonderful magical place. I had a great week, although coming home is kinda tough. Did ja miss me? Or did you not really think much on my absence since I hadn't posted for a while before the two chapters I posted right before I left? Either way, I'm back now. I know this is a pathetically short chapter, and I know it probably wasn't what you were expecting, and in some cases hoping for. Either way, I hope you enjoy it. Oh, and how many people were completely not expecting Sora to kick Roxas out? And how many people don't understand how Sora kicked her out since they don't live together? Well, all that will be explained for those who haven't figured it out later. As in not this chapter. So go read and understand.

This chapter is a flash back. It picks up roughly where Roxas left off explaining her past to Axel. Its in italics because its a memory. Oh, and the part where 'you' is used alot is Roxas sort of 'speaking' to you. I hope it makes sense. Sorry if its a bit confusing. Anyway. I should probably go let you read the chapter. I guess I just feel bad for it being so short, and thought I'd make this longer to pretend it isn't the shortest chapter in a while. Ok, you caught me. Now go, read. Enjoy.

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It's dark. I know that much. I don't know what time it was. Just that its dark. I' in the back of a car, or maybe on a bench I think. I don't know how long I've been asleep, just now that I'm awake enough to remember what happened I wish I wasn't. I feel heavy.

_Sora isn't with me. He's gone, off somewhere, safe. At least I don't have to worry about him. I know he will be ok. It what's going to happen to me that I'm worried about. Where am I? What's happening? I think I'm moving, so I'm in a car then? I can hardly breathe. Do they know I'm awake? Oh god, what are they going to do? Sora always told me to make sure I wasn't caught. That bad things would happen if we were ever caught._

_I didn't do anything! I swear! I didn't do anything! I was careful! Did someone see me at the store? Maybe the neighbors? Did the school I used to go to realize I wasn't there or something? I keep going over everything little thing I've done in the past days, wondering what had led to my downfall. What did I **do**?_

_I shudder. It's so cold. How can it be this cold? Does it even get this cold where I live? Oh, the air conditioner is on. I haven't been in a car for ages, whose driving? Sora can't drive. He's too young. Sora. I wonder where he is. Better off than me. No, I can't be afraid. I won't be. I have to be strong. For Sora. He'll come get me. I know he will. He promised. He'll always come get me. Protect me. He promised._

_

* * *

_

_I was awoken again later by someone shaking my arm. I cringed away from them, back into the car. It wasn't exactly safe, but it was the closest 'away' I had at that moment. I looked up at who ever had shaken me, and was shocked to see a woman. I wasn't expecting monsters exactly, but I definitely wasn't expecting to see a soft face peering down at me with concern._

_"You're a skittish one, aren't you?" She spoke softly. She wasn't actually asking me, but her tone was still comforting. I relaxed a little. She reminded me of my old teacher._

_"They always are." A gruff voice answered from somewhere behind the woman. I could tell it was a man that spoke. Irritation briefly flashed across the woman's face._

_"Did you even try to explain what was happening to her?" She demanded, looking over her shoulder at the man. He looked a little taken aback._

_"Well, I . . ." He trailed off as she rolled her eyes._

_"Come on sweetie. It's ok. Will you come talk with me?" She asked, he voice was kind. I didn't want to leave the safety of the car. I was torn. She seemed nice, comforting. And I **really** wanted to just let myself go with her and let her protect me. Could I do that? I bit my lip. Could I trust her? "Come on honey, you look starved, come eat something."_

_That was it. I slowly slid across the car seat and crawled out. I'd been living off of nothing but stale cereal, without milk since we had run out a while ago. It was all Sora knew how to make. The promise of real food was to alluring to pass up._

_The woman smiled at me, and ushered me through the doors of a small building. She must have taken me in the side door because I never saw the sign labeling it as the police station. She led me to a dimly lit room with nothing but a table and a few chairs in it. She told me to take a seat and wait. I was too scared to do anything else. Sora and I didn't go in buildings if we could help it, too much of a chance of getting noticed. It was safer to stay inside. They only ever went to the store, and not even there if they could help it._

_The man from earlier came into the room long enough to place a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of her, before exiting again. I inhaled the food. There is no other way of putting it. One moment it was on the plate, the next, down my throat and being digested. It was only after the last little bit of the sandwich hit my stomach did I realize that I was parched._

_I was too afraid to say anything though, so I just sat there, hands clasped in my lap, waiting for something. I wasn't sure what exactly I was waiting for. Something._

_The something turned out to be the woman. She came back with a clipboard and a pen. She sat down opposite me, and we looked at each other. I think I made her sad._

_"What's your name sweetheart?" She asked kindly, and I wanted with all my heart to trust her. But I couldn't Sora had told me never to tell anyone my name. Or where we lived. Or that we lived alone. I wouldn't betray him. She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. I could tell she was tired. It was late, I was sure._

_"Look, they drove you out here specially so I could talk to you, but I can't help you if you won't talk to me." I considered for a moment._

_"Are you going to take me to Sora?" I asked, voice quivering as I spoke. She sighed, like this was the last question she wanted to answer right now._

_"No sweetie. I can't. I don't know where your brother is." This seemed to make her sad too. "But if you talk to me, I can try to find him."_

_I could feel my eyes get huge. No! I couldn't say anything that would lead them to Sora! He had to stay safe, so he could come get me. He promised!_

_"No, no, not that." She muttered to herself. "Alright, I won't try to find your brother, how about that. Let's just talk about you right now. Will you tell me your name? Please? How about this, I'll tell you mine, and then you can tell me yours, alright?" She looked at me, smiling. I nodded slowly._

_"Alright. My name is Tessa. And I'm nineteen. Now how about you? Will you tell me your name?"_

_"Roxas." I croaked out, not looking at her. I could feel her smile, like she had just won all the Olympics at the same time by getting me to tell her my name. It made me want to smile to._

_"Alright Roxas, I knew we could do it, so can I get you anything? Are you still hungry?" I shook my head no. "How about something to drink? From what I hear, you haven't had anything to drink since they picked you up this morning." I nodded. I liked the way she was talking to me. Almost like she was sharing some secret joke with me._

_"Alright, I'll go get you some water, ok?" She got up to leave, and I don't know what came over me, but I latched onto her. I grabbed her around the middle, and buried my head into her side. I didn't want her to leave me. I could tell she was surprised, but then she relaxed and stroked my hair._

_"Sweetie, I have to leave to get you water." She sighed and thought for a moment. "Do you want to come with me?" She asked, running her fingers through my hair. I nodded without letting go, and she gently repositioned me so that she could walk with me still clutching her skirt._

_She led me out of the little room we had been sitting in, and over to a water cooler that was remarkably close by. The building wasn't very big. There were a couple of people working at desks, and there were a couple of people standing by the water cooler we were going to. I shrank back even more into Tessa's skirt as we drew closer to them. One of the men, nodded and went back to his desk, but the other stayed, and nodded a hello to Tessa. "Looks like you've got a little monkey clinging to you." He said, smiling widely. I shrank back even more._

_"Mark." Tessa spoke gently, but with a warning. She put her arm around my shoulders. "She's terrified." She sighed, rubbing my back comfortingly. "Come on sweetie, Marks ok. Really. He gets mighty annoying sometimes, but he's really alright." She nudged me gently, trying to get me to say hello. I peeked up at him for a moment, then buried my face deeper into her skirt. She laughed. "Sorry Mark. That's all you get I guess."_

_She got me water, then led me back to the room we had been in before. "Alright." She said, sitting me down and sitting across from me again. "Now, how old are you?"_

_I thought for a moment. "Four." I answered confidently. I smiled timidly at her, and she smiled warmly back._

_"Alright then." She marked something on her paper. "I just need a little information about you, okay sweetie? We'll do this together." She said, smiling. She went on to ask me all sorts of questions. I don't remember very many of them. I know I answered with 'I don't know' to a ton of them. And then finally she put down the clip board. "Are you alright?" She asked me, looking at me in a way that almost made me start to cry. It was like she could finally just ask me that. Not because she had to, or because it was her job, but because she wanted to make sure I was ok._

_I nodded silently, and smiled softly. She nodded back, and started to explain what was going on to me. They didn't know what where my mom was, but they couldn't let me stay in the apartment. She explained that I was too little to be out in the world in my own, that I needed someone to look after me._

_Tessa told me that she was a social worker, and that I would be going to live at a group home, where all the kids who hadn't been placed in a family went, but then I would be placed in a family, and go live with them. She explained it all to me. And then she left to go get me some things._

_Apparently it was too late to take me to the group home right now, so I would have to stay at the police station for the night, but she was going to stay with me, so that was alright. Cuddled up in the secret safe place we had made, I fell asleep._

_

* * *

_

_Every family I was placed with was different. Some wanted to pretend you were they're kid. Others were just in it for the money. Some were better than others, but they were always the same in one aspect. You were the foster kid. It was always like that. No matter what they said, no matter who they were, you weren't theirs. And they would always send you back._

_Tessa became the only constant in my life. She would follow me from place to place. Later I found out I was her first foster kid, she was young and she was supposed to just be watching and learning from a more experienced social worker. But her teacher had gotten sick, and so she had been the one to work with me._

_The first home I was placed in was this couple who already had four foster kids. They weren't there very often, letting the older kids look after me and the younger kids. It wasn't great, but it was a place to stay, and it wasn't too bad. Alex was the oldest of us kids, and he was alright, but his little brother was there too, and he wasn't very nice. Alex would do anything to protect his little brother, and we all knew that. Alex's little brother used to pick on me, and Alex would make sure no one ever told on him. I guess that's what happens. You get hard, fast. You learn to survive, and keep what's precious to you close. For Alex, that was his brother. I don't blame him for that, never could. Even though it meant that I 'fell' down the stairs when his little brother broke my arm._

_I never told Tessa about that. I think it would break her heart if she knew. She was so happy for me when I got that placement. She was like that with all the kids, but I think she took a special linking to me. I think it's because she was so young, and that I was her first kid._

_Eventually, my 'parents' at that home figured out that they couldn't keep all of us, and as I was the last one to join the mix, I went first. They have you pack all your stuff up into garbage bags, and then they kick you to the curb. Actually, you go back to the system, but it's pretty much the same thing. They were the first on my list, the Andersons._

_I spent a lot of time in group homes. It wasn't so bad. You got a bed and stuff, but it's clear you're a foster kid. And you stay with all the others. All the unwanted. All the kids who don't get homes, don't deserve homes. Its poison, being there. They mash you all together, a whole bunch of kids from varying ages, and expect it to just be ok._

_You feel like trash. You stay in these houses, with all the other castoffs. All the other kids no one wants. And you look at them all, and slowly you begin to think you are trash. That's why you're here. That's why no one wants to keep you._

_Then I got placed with my second 'home'. A sweet couple, they kept me for about six months before sending me back. They wanted someone who looked more like them. I later found out they had their own kid. God I hated those kids. Did they know they were pushing kids out of good homes? Was that included in the 'while expecting' stories? The trial kids that got bumped back to shit housing and crap families when the proud parents found out they no longer needed replacement kids?_

_You learn fast not to get attached. And then you learn faster to pretend you do. Nothing gets you sent sooner than 'they don't love me like I've known them all their lives even though I met them five minutes ago'. So you learn the rules, and you learn the ropes. And the whole time you wonder what you did, what made you such a horrible excuse for a human being that not even these people could love you. It really makes you wonder._

_I don't even remember why my third family sent me back. Probably got tired of me. Maybe I asked too much. I was too expensive. It just wasn't the right time for them to foster. There's something better out there for you. They can't deal with the responsibility right now. It's just too hard. I don't connect. All of those excuses mean the same thing. Thanks for playing, bye._

_And then you're bumped back to a group home, or another home, or some other family that hasn't gotten the chance to reject you yet. No matter which way it went, Tessa was always there to pick me up and dust me off. Even as I grew, and she got older. I saw the others get different people, and thanked my lucky stars I got Tessa. She was always there for me. As much as she could be, although it was pretty limited. Group homes didn't want social workers getting in the way, and when you were placed in a home, you only got to see your worker for visits or evaluations. But Tessa was there for her. I had her number, and knew she could call anytime. It was comforting._

_I gave up on my mom ever coming back for me rather quickly. You'd tell someone that your mom was going to come back for you, and they would laugh. They wouldn't even try to hide it, just laugh in your face. And I knew they were right. My mom wasn't going to come back for me. If she was, she already would have. She would never have left us. Sora was going to come for me. He promised. I used to worry that he wouldn't be able to find me, but he had said he would, and he wouldn't lie to me. I can't think how many nights I survived by knowing Sora was going to come for me. I would whisper it to myself over and over again until I fell asleep. It made me feel safe and warm. It was my lullaby. "He promised_."

* * *

**Ending Notes: **Ok, there it is. I know it ends ubruptly. I'm hoping to post the next chapter soon. The next chapter will also be a flashback. For those of you who have been waiting for the back story on Roxas, this is it. What you just read and then the next chapter. It might take me another chapter after that, but I'm hoping it will only be one more. I'm having a tad bit of writer's block at the moment, so please review to help me get over it.

Well my lovelys, wow thats a weird spelling of the, I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry I haven't responded to any of the reviews of last chapter, but my computer and FF.N was being a bitch. So I slapped it around some, and now it seems to be behaving better. Oh, and I need to go check out my friend's stuff, she said she *finally* started uploading stuff. YAY!!!!! Dei, if you're reading this, I love you. I really do. And I hope you are having fun having access to a computer before it is cruelly ripped from your grasp once more.

Lets all take a moment of silence to honor the suffering my dear friend must go through every day because she lacks a way to use the internet freely. Dei-dear, I feel your pain. We stand together, knowing it can only get better.

Anyway, I just glanced at my clock, and realized it really isn't very late. But I have to work in the morning. God, I love my job, but who wants to get up? I certainly don't. Like, ever. Anyway, oh, and I thought I'd share something from one of my reviews with you all. This one person sent my a review that said 'ew yuri'. It made me giggle. Yes, this _is_ a yuri peice. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out if that was an 'ooh yuri' or an 'ick yuri'. And I kept trying to figure it out, and I kept getting nothing. If they did mean it as 'ick', this amuses me to no end. I mean, did I not state in the summary that the genders were switched? And the idea that some one is fine with yaoi, but finds yuri icky just makes me giggle. No really, I read that, and started giggling really hard. And mind you, it was like three in the morning. I got the weirdest looks in the morning. Anyway, just thought I'd share the giggles, and if you were the one to write the review, no offence intended, but I would love to know which one you meant. Thank you to all my lovely readers. And BIG HUG to all the people who reviewed, even if it was just 'ew yuri'. Those of you who read, but haven't reviewed, pleade do. It makes me very happy. Is it really that hard to do? I mean, especially if you add me to your favorites, which also makes me oh so happy, please review? Didn't FF.N tell you? Everytime you read a fic or a new chapter and don't review, a kitten dies. I know the world has to many, but still, if we run out of kittens, then they'll move on to puppies, or ducklings, its really tragic. Please, for the baby animals. Do it for them. Thank you.

Z


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